Soulmates
by Saoirse's Republic
Summary: NeilAndrea. Life seems perfect for Neil and Andrea, but a tragic turn of events turns their world upside down.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Neil, Andrea, Jake or any of the other characters from "The Bill" who might be involved in this fiction. They are all the property of Talkback Thames productions.

He gazes with pure adoration at the woman lying next to him now. It has been exactly two years since his life changed forever, since he moved into this flat and made this relationship official. Never in his entire life had he been as happy as he has been for the last two years and its all because of one person, one beautiful amazing person who was sleeping peacefully until moments ago when she stirred from her slumber. Andrea Dunbar is the woman who has made all the difference in Neil Manson's life and there isn't one day that he doesn't appreciate what he has when he has her. Neil smiles down at Andrea affectionately and she mirrors his smile.

"Morning sweetheart, happy anniversary," he wishes her.

"So you remembered then did you?" Andrea teases him, "well then where's my surprise?"

"How could I forget? You dropped enough hints," Neil continues the affectionate joking "anyway I have a whole evening planned for us and the surprise comes somewhere towards the end of it so you'll just have to wait."

"Don't I even get a clue what it might be?" Andrea pretends to sulk, putting on a mock pout. The look on her face sends Neil into hysterical laughter and it's not long before she joins in unable to keep up the sulky façade any more.

"No, you don't," he replies serious but smiling. "This evening has been planned with military precision and I don't want anything going wrong, that includes you guessing what the surprise is."

Her kisses are gentle at first, but slowly graduate to more passionate, intense kisses.

"You know you can't win me over this way," Neil says between kisses.

"Not trying to," Andrea replies as she breaks away, gazing lovingly at him, "I just thought saying as it's our 2nd anniversary, we should do something to celebrate."

Neil chuckles gently before him and Andrea become lost in passion.

Darkness is descending, and the cold night air penetrates their coats as they leave the expensive Italian restaurant they'd chosen to mark the occasion of their 2nd anniversary, but none of this is about to deter Neil from carrying out his carefully laid plans. Despite her verbal protests that it is far too cold for a walk, Andrea is eventually persuaded that a short stroll through the splendour of the Japanese gardens will be romantic enough to offset the effects of the chilly February breeze. Once in the gardens Andrea is captivated by the beauty of it all, and almost doesn't notice Neil stopping as they walk beneath a floral arch. Realising Neil is no longer holding her hand, guiding her along the path she stops.

"What are you doing?" Andrea enquires perplexed as Neil just stands there under the arch smiling lovingly back at her.

"Your surprise, that's what," he replies softly "or don't you want that anymore?"

Before Andrea has a chance to reply, Neil is down on one knee and slipping a small jewellery box out of his trouser pocket. Andrea is left speechless, her hands flying to her mouth in surprise. Never for a moment had she guessed that Neil was planning on proposing tonight. Neil can't help feeling nervous, understandably so as he is about to ask the question which will change his and Andrea's lives forever. There is also that niggling fear in the back of his mind that she mightn't be ready for marriage and he hasn't quite worked out yet how he would deal with it if she rejected him. Nevertheless, he wants this more than anything and isn't going to let anything put him off.

"I love you Andrea Dunbar, more than I could ever tell you and more than you could ever imagine. You are the love of my life and I never want to let you go. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you as happy as you make me. Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

Though shocked at the proposal, there is no doubt in Andrea's mind what her answer will be. She wants what he wants, to have a life together.

"Yes of course I will," Andrea replies emotionally, tears of joy streaming down her face as Neil places the platinum and diamond engagement ring gently on to her finger before scooping her up in his arms and spinning her round. They kiss tenderly, completely lost in each other as if nothing else matters now, nothing else exists. When they finally arrive home they slowly make their way to the bedroom, intimately exploring each other and indulging their passion for one another.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Have you picked out your photos yet?" Andrea asks Neil as she sits on the floor of their living room surrounded by piles of glossy colour photographs each depicting a different moment from their lives together. Andrea had intended for a long time to compile a photograph album of their favourite images taken in the two years since they moved in together, and now her and Neil are finally getting around to doing it.

"What photos?" Neil enquires absently, more concerned with ensuring the vegetables he is cooking don't boil over onto the ceramic hob.

"Oh Neil," Andrea sighs, her exasperation at him evident in the tone of her voice. "We've been talking about making this album for weeks, you said you wanted to contribute and pick out your favourite photographs of us together. This is really important to me Neil, I know it doesn't seem like much but it means a lot to me."

Neil puts the vegetables on a lower setting and leaves them simmering gently as he goes to try and soothe Andrea.

"Hey, I'm sorry," Neil says gently walking towards the spot where Andrea has almost covered herself with photographs. "I know how much this means to you, it means a lot to me too sweetheart I just haven't got round to it yet." He gently strokes her cheeks, his eyes conveying the fact that he is sorry. Neil's look reminds Andrea somewhat of a puppy trying to gain approval from its owner and she begins to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" Neil questions beginning to smile himself.

"Its nothing, I was just thinking about how ridiculous it is that I was about to have an argument with you over something as stupid as a photograph album," Andrea replies, continuing to laugh at herself.

"Hey, it's not stupid and I promise you I'll sort my photos out soon" Neil states genuinely, smiling lovingly at Andrea as he speaks.

"I know that," Andrea returns the smile, "and you don't have to rush we have all the time in the world to get this finished."

As he surveys the scattered mess of photographs, Neil's eyes fall upon one of the portraits Andrea intends to include in her documentation of their relationship and it causes a smile to spread across his face. It is a photograph that Neil took of Andrea and Jake the day they visited the zoo together. They are standing in front of Jake's favourite area of the zoo, that which houses the reptiles. Andrea has crouched down to Jake's level and the two have their arms round each other and are beaming from ear to ear, their eyes full of warmth and affection for one another. There is no mistaking the bond between Andrea and Jake, despite the fact that becoming part of each others lives was a huge adjustment for both, and while she would never try to overtake the role of Jake's mother Andrea has become an integral member of Jake's family. Even her parents have a good relationship with Neil's young son. Neil remembers how at first it was mainly relief he felt when Andrea and Jake took to each other so well, but it gradually developed into joy and also a sense of pride that himself, Andrea and Jake worked so well together as a family unit. He picks the photo up to study it more closely for a few seconds before replacing it with the rest and continuing to the kitchen to finish dinner.

As Neil awakes the next morning, the first thing which catches his attention is Andrea's absence from their bed. The second thing, the smell of pancakes cooking in the kitchen rouses him completely from his sleep. He grabs his dressing gown and creeps to the kitchen where he finds Andrea engrossed in the task of cooking them an early breakfast. Silently approaching her, he wraps his arms around her waist and presses gentle kisses to the side of her head.

"Hey," she cries hitting his arm playfully, "you scared me and I was going to bring this to you in bed."

"You still can," Neil replies with a cheeky glint in his eye, "I have absolutely no objections to you waiting on me hand and foot all the time once we're married." This comment earns him another gentle punch on the arm.

"For your information Mr Manson, this is a one off event you can get your own breakfast in future," Andrea teases. "Oh and happy birthday by the way," she says before proceeding to kiss him.

After they had devoured their breakfast Andrea presented Neil with the gifts she had bought him. Even knowing him as well as she did had not made the task of choosing a gift for Neil's birthday easy. Eventually she had been inspired with the idea to get them tickets for Everton's next match down in London that she and Neil could go to with Jake. Panic had set in when Andrea discovered that the football season drew to a close at the end of May, just two weeks after Neil's birthday but she had managed to get tickets for one of the last games of the season. Neil was delighted with the gift, ecstatic that he would finally get to take Jake to a match. He constantly made promises to himself that he would take his son to a football match one day, but had never got around to getting the tickets. Neil was also deeply touched by the other gift Andrea gave him, one which had a deep personal meaning to him. It was a gold antique pocket watch which he had pointed out to Andrea during a recent shopping trip to London. The watch bore a striking resemblance to one which had been a treasured possession of his great-grandfather and had become a family heirloom. It was supposed to come into Neil's possession passed on to him by his father, but had been destroyed in a house fire some years back. Andrea knew that it would have meant a great deal to Neil to have it, so she decided that day that he was going to have the next best thing, and bought him the antique store watch. Neil was overjoyed to have it, equally as happy that Andrea loved him enough to be so sentimental and thoughtful in her choice of gift for him.

"You're amazing, you know that?" Neil whispered softly gazing lovingly at Andrea, "and I don't say that just because you buy me great presents and make the most amazing blueberry pancakes ever."

Andrea laughs at the joke, and kisses him lightly on the lips.

"You're pretty amazing yourself," she replies smiling affectionately back at Neil.

Later that afternoon they go to pick Jake up from school together. He runs straight to where they are waiting at the school gates, a huge grin spreading across his face as he launches himself into Neil's arms.

"Happy birthday daddy," he squeals as he wraps his arms around his father. He then happily takes one hand each from Andrea and Neil as they walk back towards the car.

When they arrive home, Neil goes to change out of his work suit as Jake follows Andrea into the kitchen to get a snack. Once in the kitchen, Andrea crouches down to Jake's level smiling brightly at him.

"Hey sweetheart have you got a card or anything for your daddy for his birthday, because I was thinking me and you could make him a really special one if you wanted."

Jake looked thoughtful for a minute before replying.

"I asked my mummy to get one for me, but can we still make daddy a special card?" Jake asks grinning up at Andrea, who can't help but smile back.

"Of course we can, but we'll have to try and make sure your daddy doesn't see it until it's finished," Andrea tells him as she goes to get the arts and crafts materials she keeps for when Jake comes to stay, from the cupboard in which they reside. Jake and Andrea are as thick as thieves as they try to keep Jake's surprise completely hidden from Neil. Jake starts to panic slightly that they are about to be caught when Neil emerges from the bedroom intent on settling down in front of the television with his son.

"And what are you two up to?" Neil says pretending to be suspicious.

"Nothing daddy," Jake replies smiling sweetly at his father, but he can't help dissolving into a fit of giggles as he and Andrea attempt to hide their art project from Neil.

"Are you sure you're telling the truth?" Neil teases.

"You know Jake, I think it's time for your daddy to go and do some of the house work, what do you say?" Andrea asks smiling down at Jake who starts to giggle all over again.

"Yeah definitely, me and Andrea say you have to go and do the housework now daddy." Jake tells his father through fits of laughter.

"Oh do you now, and what about you two aren't you going to help me?" Neil continues to tease them knowing full well they are just trying to get rid of him.

"Excuse me we're busy doing important work in here," Andrea states trying not to descend into a fit of giggles as Jake has. "Besides it only takes one person to clean the bathroom."

Having been given his marching orders, Neil goes to complete the chore allocated to him and returns to the living room when he has finished, finding Andrea and Jake covered in paint and bits of glitter. Jake triumphantly presents him with the birthday card they have made together and Neil can't help but smile. The day could not have been more perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Wedding plans were beginning to take shape now for Neil and Andrea, but there was still so much to organize even if they did have over a year to plan everything. A summer wedding was what they had decided on, something simple and intimate that was every bit as romantic and special as a wedding should be. They had decided to take Monday off from their hectic careers at Sun Hill in order to look at wedding venues a church being out of the question due to the fact that Neil is divorced. After revealing the truth about her undercover journalism to Neil, Andrea knew she could not remain a probationary PC. Much as she had loved her job, her conscience would not allow it and neither would Neil's. However, she had managed to remain at Sun Hill by combining the skills from both jobs by taking up a position in the press office.

They stroll through the grounds of an elegant Georgian style hotel at a leisurely pace, admiring the beauty of the hotel gardens. It's the perfect setting for their special day; it's what Andrea has been picturing even dreaming of since they got engaged. They could get married in a simple white silk marquee in the hotel gardens and have the reception in one of the function rooms in the hotel. Despite the fact that they have several other venues to view that day, Andrea is confident that this will be their final choice and she is already imagining herself walking across this lawn towards Neil, all eyes on her whilst they have eyes only for each other as they prepare to make their vows.

Just after 3pm they arrive home exhausted from their day of viewing potential wedding venues. As Andrea had predicted, none of the other venues could measure up to the first hotel they viewed and they had decided to go back there before coming home so that they could make their booking. Even with a date and a venue organized there was still so much more to try and prepare.

"I think I'll make an album or something to try and organize all this wedding stuff properly," Andrea remarked more to herself than to Neil, "I need some way to keep on top of it all."

"I seem to remember the last album you tried to make getting neglected," Neil teased her cheekily.

"Hey that is not true I haven't been neglecting it I've just been busy making plans with you for our wedding. Besides I'm not the only one who has let that particular project fall by the wayside am I?" Andrea teased back.

Their affectionate joking is suddenly interrupted by the phone's persistent ringing. Neil moves towards the phone, snatching it from its cradle.

"Hello," he says brightly smiling over at Andrea as he greets the caller. "Yes this is him speaking, sorry who is this?"

Andrea sees Neil's face drop, a look of horror taking hold as the person on the other end continues a conversation Andrea is not privy to.

"Yes I understand, I'll be there straight away," is all Neil says before hanging up. He looks as if he's about to pass out.

"Neil, what is it, what has happened?" Andrea searches Neil's face for an answer as she puts her arms around him and finds herself suddenly supporting all his weight.

"That was the hospital Philippa asked them to ring me. Jake's been involved in some kind of road accident and he's hurt. They wouldn't give me specifics over the phone." Neil barely gets the words out, his tone one of utter disbelief at what he has just been told. He can fight back the tears no longer as he breaks down in Andrea's arms and she holds him tightly giving him every ounce of strength and support she possibly can.

"Shhh, I'm here Neil I'm here. Everything will be alright, lets just get down to the hospital and see Jake, Neil he needs his dad now and he needs you to be strong for him."

"I know that," Neil whispers tearfully as he clings to Andrea who is on the verge of tears herself but has resolved to be strong for Neil's sake. Andrea drives them to St Hugh's hospital as quickly and as safely as she possibly can and they race to the A and E department where the medics are working on Jake. Waiting in the relatives room for news of Jake are Philippa and her new partner Greg, and Philippa's parents. Everyone sits in silence as they wait for news of Jake's condition, Andrea and Neil holding hands. Every so often she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze and he squeezes back in appreciation of Andrea's support. After what seems like an eternity the doctor in charge of Jake's care comes to speak to the family.

"Jake came in with some very serious injuries, he has several fractures and he lost quite a lot of blood. We have managed to stabilize him and he is no longer in a critical condition. However his injuries are still very serious and there is one thing in particular which gives us cause for concern."

"What is it, what's wrong with him?" Neil asks keeping his voice calm.

"I'm afraid your son has no sensation in his lower limbs," the doctor explains. "This can happen due to shock after a major trauma such as this, however Jake's x-rays show some swelling around his spinal cord."

"What does that mean exactly?" Philippa enquires.

"It depends. Sometimes swelling like this goes down after a few days when the body has had time to recover. However, in some cases the swelling can be prolonged and cause permanent damage. I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid there is a possibility that Jake could be permanently paralyzed from the waist down."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Still reeling from the shock of the day's events and the possibility that Jake may never walk again, an exhausted Neil and Andrea return home in the early hours of the morning both knowing that despite their exhaustion they will not sleep well tonight. They had stayed at the hospital, Neil had called his parents and Andrea had called hers and soon the whole family was rallying round Jake. They had been allowed in to see him and had sat with him for a while, but he was still heavily sedated. They remained at the hospital until there was nothing more they could do for Jake and had decided to return home to rest and go back in to visit him the next day.

"Hey, everything will be ok you know Neil. They have to give us the worst case scenario there is every chance that Jake will make a full recovery. You need to have hope Neil and Jake needs you to have hope too." Andrea does her best to reassure Neil and allay his fears about Jake's condition.

"I know that but it's just so hard Andrea. Imagine if he is paralyzed that will have such a huge effect on his life, and I'm scared how he'll cope." Tears form in Neil's eyes as he pours out his deepest fears to Andrea.

"Oh sweetheart there is nothing wrong with being scared, it would be a huge change but he would cope because he has us Neil and we will get him through whatever happens together. Not only that but he has Philippa and Greg and their parents and he has my parents and your parents as well to support him. We will get through this Neil," she soothes, taking hold of his hands.

"Why did Philippa have to let her bloody obsession with work take over today, if she had have picked him up on time this would never have happened," Neil states beginning to get angry.

"Hey, don't start blaming her Neil," Andrea says calmly but firmly, "it's not her fault you know it could just as easily have been us caught up at work one day or held up in traffic."

"I know that. I'm just so angry that this has happened to my little boy and I want to take it out on someone. There isn't even anybody I can really be angry with. It wasn't the driver's fault Jake ran straight out in front of him there was no way he could have missed Jake without injuring other people or causing a more serious accident. The driver of that car has suffered as well, he's devastated and I haven't the heart to be angry with him."

"Then be angry with me," Andrea says softly completely surprising Neil.

"I've no reason to be angry with you my love you have been nothing but amazing and supportive today," Neil replies in the same soft tone as he cradles her cheek in his palm.

"I know that but I'd do anything for you Neil and if you need to vent your anger about the accident at least I won't hit back. See, I'm offering to be your human punch bag, verbal assaults only of course," Andrea states, a small smile creeping across her lips.

Despite the stress and trauma of everything that has happened over the past few hours, Neil can't help but smile at Andrea. She has the incredible knack of making him smile again no matter what has gone wrong, no matter how angry, upset or annoyed he may be. As he smiles lovingly towards her, he rests his forehead against hers and nuzzles his nose against hers.

"That is a very generous offer Miss Dunbar," he whispers softly, "but I'll settle for just having your support. I could never use you as my human punch bag you're far too precious to me for that."

Andrea responds by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him gently.

"You have my full support. I'm here for you Neil, and I always will be for the rest of your life I will never leave your side." As she utters the words about the rest of their lives, another realization comes to Andrea.

"We should probably hold off on the wedding plans until Jake is on the road to recovery, shouldn't we?" Andrea asks knowing that the aftermath of Jake's accident is not the appropriate time to be planning a huge celebration, especially when he has such a huge challenge ahead of him.

"No of course we don't have to our date is set for over a year away. It would be different if it was in the next few weeks." Neil tries to reassure her.

"Still it's not exactly the most appropriate time to be making our wedding plans especially when Jake is going to need us to focus on him. I'm not saying we cancel, we have the date and venue arranged and the rest will just have to be put on hold for a few months and fall into place closer to the big day." Despite his protests, Andrea knows Neil agrees with her. For a few moments she can't help feeling slightly disappointed at having to put her wedding plans on hold just as everything was starting to take shape. After the disappointment comes guilt for feeling disappointed. She wouldn't have it any other way because right now the most important thing is to be there for Neil and for Jake and Andrea chides herself for being so selfish as to be disappointed about postponing her wedding plans for the sake of helping a little boy she dearly loves who has just been through a devastating accident.

After a few minutes, Andrea decides she needs a hot shower to unwind and wash away the stress of the day. Releasing Neil from her embrace, she leaves him on the sofa deep in thought while she goes to the bathroom and steps under the jet of steaming hot water. Getting out of the shower 15 minutes later feeling thoroughly refreshed, Andrea notices two dark bruises on her right thigh and realizes she has absolutely no idea how they got there.

"I am such a klutz," she mutters quietly to herself having decided she must have unintentionally walked into a desk at work and forgotten about it.

When she returns to the living area, Neil is sound asleep on the sofa. Deciding it is better to let him sleep than risk disturbing him after the terrible day he has had, Andrea covers him over with a rug and then curls up in the armchair closest to where Neil's head is positioned. It doesn't take long for her to drift off as well.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next few days are extremely tough for Neil, but Andrea is there to support him. The first hurdle came when Jake regained consciousness and they had to try explaining to him how badly injured he was. It broke Neil's heart to see his young son so frightened and he came close to breaking down several times. If it hadn't been for Andrea, Neil doubted he would have made it through the days after Jake's accident. She had been a tower of strength for Neil during the last few dark days. Somehow, despite his fear and the fact that he didn't completely understand everything that was happening to him, Jake Manson was managing to be extremely brave and Neil was incredibly proud of how well his son was coping with everything that had happened to him.

Andrea was doing everything in her power to be there for both Neil and Jake. It was hurting her to see little Jake in agony, but she couldn't help sharing Neil's sense of pride at how well he had dealt with everything that had happened. She may not be Jake's biological mother but Andrea didn't think she could possibly love Jake more if he was her own son. Watching Neil struggle so much with everything that was going on was hurting Andrea too and she would have given anything to be able to erase Neil's pain and carry his burdens for him. With everything that was happening, Andrea felt completely drained and run down. It was just stress, at least that was what she was telling herself and there really wasn't any reason for her to think otherwise.

A few days after the accident the doctors had sent Jake to have his spinal x-rays redone. The results confirmed everyone's worst fears, the swelling around Jake's spine had not gone down and there was a very strong possibility that he would never regain the use of his legs. Breaking that news to him was one of the hardest things Neil had ever had to do in his life. How do you explain to a 7 year old boy who loves running around like a headless chicken with his mates, playing football and getting involved in everything that he might never be able to walk again, let alone run wild with his friends. Jake tried to be brave but he couldn't help crying when his parents explained to him that he might have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He couldn't understand why he wasn't going to get better and kept asking Neil if he had done something bad and that was why the doctors wouldn't make him better. It was such an emotional time for everyone, and Neil was all over the place. He knew that without Andrea he would be completely lost.

During the next few weeks, everyone was trying to get back into a normal routine and carry on for Jake's sake. Unless they had their lives in order they could not realistically expect to give Jake the support he needed. Neil and Andrea returned to work, visiting Jake every day as soon as work was over. The doctors were positive about all other aspects of Jake's recovery, and had organized a treatment plan for him with the physiotherapist which was intended to try and help him regain at least some mobility in his legs and might even help him make a full recovery, though the doctors could make no guarantees. He was due to start as soon as his fractures had healed and there was every possibility that he would be allowed home within the next few weeks. Both his own home and Andrea and Neil's flat were having the necessary modifications made to accommodate Jake's disability. Luckily Neil and Andrea's building was wheelchair accessible, it had a lift up to their floor and the flat was obviously all on the one level, so the only adjustments they'd had to make were the installation of handrails in the bathroom and a shower seat for when Jake needed a shower. This meant that their flat was now completely prepared for when Jake next came to stay.

Despite the fact that she was happy to put every ounce of strength she had into supporting Neil and Jake and helping them come to terms with Jake's injuries, Andrea was beginning to feel the effects of all the stress they had been under lately. She was experiencing dizzy spells, which were becoming more frequent and were accompanied by headaches. Andrea constantly felt like she had the flu and she had absolutely no appetite anymore, she couldn't believe she had let herself get so run down. The stress was beginning to take its toll on her but she was not about to let Neil know that, he needed her so much right now and Andrea was not about to let him down. To top it all off, Andrea had noticed another mysterious bruise, this time on her arm. It didn't escape Neil's notice either.

"What happened to you? It looks as if someone actually did use you as their punch bag," Neil states concerned.

"I'm fine Neil, I just must have whacked into something at work, and I don't even remember doing it." Andrea replies nonchalantly, not wanting to make a big deal out of something as trivial as a bruise.

"It looks pretty nasty though, does it hurt?" Andrea smiles at Neil, touched by his concern for her over one simple bruise, especially when he's going through so much right now.

"It does hurt a bit, but honestly its ok Neil I'll survive," she jokes.

Neil smiles back affectionately at Andrea. If he's honest he feels like he has been neglecting her since Jake's accident. He has been so focused on helping Jake and dealing with his own anguish over his son's injuries that he has been relying on Andrea so much but maybe not being there for her as much as she has needed. They reach Jake's ward at the hospital and spend over an hour with him reading him stories and doing whatever they can to cheer him up. When its time for his dinner to be brought round, Neil and Andrea take their cue to leave.

Andrea feels slightly dizzy as she walks down the corridors of St Hugh's hospital at Neil's side. Putting an arm out to steady herself doesn't help and the corridor seems to spin. Andrea hears Neil asking her if she is alright but she doesn't have the physical strength to voice a reply. Moments later everything descends into darkness, and Neil is horrified as Andrea collapses into his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Andrea awakes from a dreamless sleep feeling slightly disorientated. It takes a few moments for her to familiarise herself with her surroundings, but she soon realizes she is lying on a hospital trolley in the A and E department of St Hugh's hospital. When Andrea looks up she sees Neil by her bedside holding one of her hands in one of his and using his other hand to gently stroke her forehead. Andrea looks deep into his eyes and she can see not only concern for her health there, but also evidence of fear. She can't remember what happened though, and her confusion makes her visibly upset. Andrea tries to ask Neil what happened to her, but she chokes on a sob. Neil immediately stands up beside her bed and puts his arms around her, allowing her to bury her head in his chest and he remains there doing all he can to soothe her cries until her tears cease.

Once Andrea has calmed down a little, Neil explains how she collapsed as they were leaving the hospital.

"You gave me a bit of a scare there. You should have said you weren't feeling well and I would have taken you home, it wouldn't have mattered missing a visit for one day especially if it would have stopped you ending up in hospital." Neil tells her gently.

"Sorry I scared you," Andrea gives him a weak smile, "it's just with the stress of everything I've let myself get a bit run down over the last few weeks. Besides Jake needs you right now Neil and I wasn't going to let you miss time with him just because I need a bit more sleep."

"You're important to me too you know, I've been leaning on you and relying on you so much recently and putting myself first. I should have done a better job of looking after you." Neil sighs regretfully.

"Hey, you have not been relying on me too much or neglecting me for that matter. Neil you're not putting yourself first, you're putting Jake first and after what he has been through that is the way it should be. Don't start beating yourself up over this it isn't your fault that I've let myself get a bit under the weather and if you really want to make it up to me, you can bring me chicken soup in bed and fluff my pillows for me," Andrea jokes a cheeky glint in her eye.

Neil smiles weakly at her but he can't help being concerned for Andrea's welfare, and despite her reassurances to the contrary he can't help feeling he may have neglected her a little.

Now that she has regained consciousness, the doctor comes to speak to Andrea. She's a young woman who looks younger than Andrea and couldn't be too long qualified, but she appears confident and organized which reassures Andrea that she is in safe hands. Andrea explains how much stress they have been under lately and describes the symptoms she has been experiencing. The young doctor orders some routine blood tests to be done, stating it is quite possible that Andrea is anaemic. Noticing the bruising on Andrea's arm, she stops for a moment.

"That looks quite nasty, how did you do that?" the doctor enquires.

"Its nothing really, I don't even remember it happening. I have a couple on my thigh as well which are just as mysterious," Andrea replies. "Why do you ask?"

"It's probably nothing just that with some blood disorders patients can bruise quite easily, and I'm just exploring every avenue to make sure we don't overlook anything, its nothing to worry about." With that the doctor walks away leaving Andrea to rest.

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling so ill Andrea? You should have taken it easy and let me take care of you." Neil tells her softly.

"It didn't seem that important," Andrea replies. "Neil you could have lost your son, and what you have been through since his accident has hurt you so much and taken so much out of you I needed to focus on you and helping you. It's alright now anyway, I'm being sorted out here today and soon I'll be absolutely fine."

Neil lets it rest at this but feels a growing sense of guilt that he wasn't there to take care of Andrea the way she was for him. He vows that from now on he will take much better care of Andrea; she is far too precious for him not to.

It is impossible to read the doctor's expression as she approaches them again, but Andrea is not overly concerned having already resigned herself to the thought of taking a course of iron tablets to cure her suspected anaemia. As she enters the cubicle Andrea is in, the doctor draws the curtain to give them some privacy. Neil grips Andrea's hand tightly in his as if to reinforce the message that he is there for her.

"Miss Dunbar, I've got the results of your blood tests back and I'm afraid they are giving me cause for concern," the doctor explains calmly and clearly.

"Why? I thought you said it was probably just anaemia," Andrea says beginning to get worked up.

"Initially that is what I thought the tests would confirm, but the results actually show that you have an abnormally high level of white blood cells." Andrea's doctor continues to explain, but is interrupted by an anxious Neil.

"What causes that to happen?" Neil asks slightly agitated now.

"Well, with the other symptoms you described to me earlier and the fact that you are beginning to bruise so easily, it could mean …" the doctor trails off and for the first time since taking over Andrea's care she appears to falter with what she is about to say. After a few moments of hesitation, she continues, "I'm afraid these results indicate that you have leukemia."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Neil and Andrea are left completely shell shocked by this revelation. The doctor gives them a few moments to try and absorb the news before she continues explaining the complete diagnostic process to them and giving the relevant advice on where to go for support. However, all Andrea can think of is the doctor's last sentences telling her that she had leukemia. How could she have cancer? It didn't make sense, she had just been under a lot of stress lately and was letting everything get on top of her, there was no way she could really be that ill was there? Andrea looked to Neil in disbelief and was met with a look of utter devastation in his eyes. It was evident that he was fighting back tears knowing Andrea needed him to be the stronger one right now.

They turned their attention to the doctor who had begun to speak again and tried to focus on everything she was saying.

"We're going to need to run some more tests on you Andrea so we can confirm the diagnosis." Before she can continue, Andrea interrupts having taken hope from those words.

"Does that mean that you might be wrong, I might not have leukemia?" Andrea enquires willing the doctor to admit she could have made a mistake.

"I'm really sorry Andrea, but the diagnosis is correct. We can't officially say that we are one hundred percent correct but with your symptoms and blood results I'm afraid there is nothing else it could be. These other tests will confirm the diagnosis of leukemia and will determine what type of leukemia you have. This helps the oncologist to devise the most effective treatment plan for you." The young doctor tries to be gentle and reassuring despite her words which have such life changing consequences for the young couple sitting here before her.

It's Neil who speaks up next, his voice wobbling with shock and emotion, but he manages to control himself and stop himself from crying.

"So what is the next step then? What do these new tests involve exactly?"

"We will need to carry out a procedure called a trephine biopsy and aspiration. In layman's terms that means we have to do a bone marrow biopsy so we can analyze the source of the blood cells to determine which type of leukemia you have. Now this is a fairly short procedure and it's performed under a local anesthetic which means you can go home to recover afterwards. The procedure is usually performed on the back of the hipbone, and it involves inserting an aspirate needle right through to the bone so that bone marrow can be removed."

"Is it going to hurt much? I mean will I be able to feel it happening?"

"You won't feel any pain during the procedure because the local anesthetic will numb the area but you may feel some discomfort when the needle is penetrating the bone. As well as that there will be some mild pain for about two or three days after the procedure but that is easily cured with ordinary paracetamol and taking proper rest afterwards."

Having provided Andrea and Neil with all the information she possibly can about the procedure and what they should expect afterwards, the doctor leaves them to come to terms with the bombshell that has just been dropped on them. Andrea is being kept in overnight for observation and having the biopsy performed in the morning due to the fact that it is vital for the oncologists to have the test results as soon as possible so as they know what they are dealing with and can organize the appropriate treatment. Neil refuses to even consider leaving Andrea's side as they prepare for her imminent tests and is preparing to spend an uncomfortable, sleepless night at her hospital bed. It doesn't bother him though. All Neil can focus on is taking care of Andrea and trying to work through this latest devastating turn of events together.

He watches her as she sleeps peacefully that night, worn out by the turbulent events of the last few hours. Even in such a deep state of slumber Andrea's incredible beauty radiates from her, not just from her physical appearance but from the very depths of her soul. He loves every single part of her with all his heart, the good points and the bad. He loves her because of her successes and in spite of her mistakes he even loves her annoying habits because she just wouldn't be his Andrea without them. There isn't a single thing Neil would change about Andrea. That is the extent of his love for her and it's almost impossible to comprehend the fact that someone he loves this much is so ill. Neil can't even begin to imagine how he is going to cope watching Andrea suffer and seeing her in agony, let alone how he is going to face up to the fact that there is a possibility he might lose her.

It is early the next morning when Andrea is taken off to have the biopsy. The nurses wheel her to the procedure room and Neil follows as far as the waiting room but is not authorized to go any further. He feels so helpless sitting in the waiting room twiddling his thumbs and knowing that Andrea needs him with her, holding her hand and guiding her through the pain and he would give anything to have been permitted to stay with her while she undergoes the short procedure. As he waits Neil contemplates how much this one little test will impact upon their lives, upon their world. He feels ready to dissolve into tears and it isn't the first time since last night's shock diagnosis that Neil has come close to breaking down but he has resolved to remain strong for Andrea. This doesn't stop him from briefly concealing his face behind his hands and shedding a few silent tears in the privacy of the waiting room.

Apprehension engulfs Andrea as she lies on her stomach feeling the numbing effects of the anesthetic on her left leg and hip. Her anxiety only increases as she catches a glimpse of the surgical equipment the medics are about to inject into her hip bone. However it is no longer the physical pain resulting from the procedure she is about to undergo which concerns and upsets Andrea, but the prospect of the emotional anguish her and Neil will face in the coming months. Closing her eyes and ignoring the discomfort of feeling a huge needle pressing against her hip bone, Andrea allows the tears of despair to flow quietly down her face.

Even by the time they are reunited in the waiting area both Andrea and Neil are still visibly upset, though the evidence of Andrea's tears is much more obvious. Neil rushes to her immediately when he sees the nurse wheeling her along the corridor in one of the wheelchairs from the A and E department and takes over her care. Neil crouches beside the chair and Andrea immediately takes the hand he offers, interlocking fingers with him.

"How are you feeling?" he whispers softly using his free hand to caress her cheek "how did it go?"

"I'm alright, I can't feel anything in my left leg at the moment so I won't be able to walk properly for a few hours but apart from that I'm fine, well physically anyway. They've made me an appointment for Friday morning to go through the results and to organize my treatment program. Will you come with me please?" Andrea requests, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Oh Andrea you don't even have to ask me that I wouldn't be anywhere else but by your side when you get your results. I won't be anywhere but by your side through this whole nightmare and I won't leave your side for the rest of your life." As he says the words Neil gazes deeply into Andrea's eyes. That look confirms everything that Andrea already knows. There was never any doubt in her mind that Neil would be supportive, she knows he will always love and support her for the rest of their lives. When Andrea smiles at Neil, he kisses her gently smiling back lovingly.

"Will you take me home now please?" Andrea asks still extremely emotional, stress taking its toll on her.

"Yeah, come on you lets get out of here."

Thankfully Neil acts as her valiant knight in shining armour, carrying her to the car and then from the car right up to their flat. He helps her to the sofa as he goes to make tea for both of them. Now back in the security of their home, Andrea finally begins to let the full reality of her condition sink in and this combined with the sheer exhaustion she is feeling, finally gets the better of Andrea as she breaks down. When he returns to the living area a few minutes later the sight of Andrea almost falling apart causes him a great deal of anguish, in fact it breaks his heart. Neil drops to the sofa beside her, enveloping her in a loving embrace and gently rocking her in his arms as he attempts to soothe her. Hearing the raw pain and fear in Andrea's sobs brings tears to Neil's eyes and he is unable to control his emotions breaking down himself.

"I'm here for you Andrea," Neil whispers through his sobs "I am always, always here for you one hundred percent and I will never let you down. We're going to get through this Andrea no matter how difficult it is I promise you, and I know it's going to be extremely difficult and we're going to go through hell but I will do whatever it takes to get us through this, and I'll do everything in my power to get you better." The tone of Neil's voice conveys his devastation.

"I'm scared Neil, I am so scared of all of this. I'm scared of being ill, of feeling rotten all the time, of being a burden on you and losing my independence if I have to rely on other people too much."

"Hey, you could never be a burden to me and don't you ever think you could be. You are the love of my life and I would do absolutely anything for you Andrea, it just isn't possible for you to be a burden to me. Loving you means I want to protect you and take care of you as well as everything else, my darling girl."

"That isn't all I'm scared of Neil, and I don't really want to face it but I'm scared that I won't…, I'm scared that…I might die." Andrea finally manages to admit her biggest fear to Neil.

"I'm scared too Andrea, and I am petrified at the thought of losing you, but I won't let it happen. I will not let you die Andrea because I couldn't bear it if you did. I will never, ever let you go."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The next three days were some of the most difficult in both of their lives. Waiting for the test results was like being in Limbo. It was not knowing exactly what they were up against which was the hardest part, but both Neil and Andrea had vowed that no matter how bad Andrea's condition was they were going to put everything they had into fighting her illness and getting her better. Since the biopsy had been done, Neil had been constantly fussing over Andrea doing everything he could to take care of her. Andrea had been forced to take those few days off work, being too weak and worn out to do anything other than relax at home, and Neil had decided to take the time off to look after her. They hadn't been able to be honest about their reasons for being absent though, simply telling their bosses they had been struck down with flu. In fact they hadn't been able to open up to anyone about what was going on, continuing to act as normally as possible around their families and friends and especially around Jake. Until they knew exactly how bad the cancer was and had come to terms with it together, they couldn't possibly face telling all the other important people in their lives the devastating truth.

It might have been one of the oldest clichés but all the tragedy that had befallen Neil and Andrea lately had really made them realize just how fragile and precious life was. It wasn't that they hadn't always cherished one another and appreciated everything that they had, just that recent events had reinforced the fact that they should never take anything for granted. Now their lives seemed to be permanently on hold, their wedding plans postponed for the foreseeable future, even Andrea's treasured photograph album had been forgotten with everything else her and Neil had been dealing with lately.

On Friday morning Neil and Andrea waited nervously at St Hughes for their appointment with Andrea's oncologist, Dr Roberts. She grips his hand more tightly than she ever has and he squeezes back with equal intensity. Both are well aware how much the next twenty minutes are going to impact upon their lives. Eventually they are called in for Andrea's consultation, where a friendly Dr Roberts attempts to put them at their ease. Dr Roberts was a small, rotund man in his mid fifties, with a warm smile and an amiable demeanor. Despite his best efforts however, he could not calm Neil and Andrea's apprehension completely though they appreciated the fact that he was trying and wasn't treating them as just another case out of thousands he deals with every year.

"Good morning Miss Dunbar, please both of you take a seat," Dr Roberts requests shaking her hand in greeting.

"Thank you, and please call me Andrea. This is my partner Neil," Andrea introduces Neil as he offers his hand to the doctor who takes it shaking it firmly. They both sit in chairs facing Dr Roberts and take each others hands again, interlocking fingers. Occasionally Neil strokes the top of Andrea's hand with his thumb in a soothing gesture.

"It's good to see that you have support, I don't think I need to remind you how difficult this will be and how much you will need the support of other people. Right I know you have already been waiting anxiously for these results so I'm just going to get straight in to explaining everything to you."

Neil and Andrea simply nodded in reply to this.

"Our tests revealed that you have acute myeloid leukemia. It is a very aggressive type of leukemia and it will require very intense therapy to treat it. I need to be completely honest with you now, with this type of cancer only a small percentage of patients achieve full remission. Your case is quite advanced, but there is nothing to suggest that you won't achieve remission."

Neil and Andrea are shell shocked. Although there is still a lot of hope, they hadn't expected the news to be this bad either. It takes a moment for Andrea to regain her composure before she asks the question that has being preying on her mind.

"What kind of treatment am I going to need, will I have to have any surgery or will it just be medication?" She surprises herself with just how calm she sounds.

"With your condition, we will need to start you off with a very intense cycle of chemotherapy called induction therapy. With this type of therapy we use an intravenous infusion to give you a course of drugs called cytarabine. We give you this every day for 7 consecutive days before following it up with a three day course of anthracycline also administered by IV. The side effects will be very extreme and you will be extremely weak from it so we will keep you in hospital for the full ten days for observation. After that we will continue with less intensive cycles of chemotherapy where you will be treated as an out patient."

"What kinds of side effects can we expect Andrea to experience from the treatment?" Neil enquires concerned.

"The most common side effects are nausea and vomiting. You may also become anemic and run down and the way that the cancer attacks your white blood cells leaves your immune system vulnerable so you will be more prone to infections and viruses than usual."

Once everything about Andrea's condition and treatment had been explained to them and Dr Roberts had set a date for Andrea's treatment to begin, Neil and Andrea head for home. They had a lot to of information to take in and now that a full diagnosis had been made and Andrea was due to start treatment they knew it was time to think about how to break the news to their families.

"How am I ever going to tell my parents Neil? How can I face daddy and tell him he'll be devastated."

Andrea is close to tears by this stage at the thought of having to tell her parents how ill she is.

"Hey, come here its ok," Neil soothes encouraging Andrea into his arms. "You haven't done anything wrong, being ill isn't something you have to apologize for. Besides we are going to face this together sweetheart we will tell your parents about this together."

"They're going to be devastated Neil I'm their only child and I know this is going to break their hearts."

"I know sweetheart," Neil replies softly, emotion rising in him, "that's pretty much how I felt when the doctors told us what was wrong with you." By this stage there are tears forming in Neil's eyes too.

"It isn't going to be easy telling my parents either they really love you too. And I don't know how we will ever explain this to Jake."

Andrea lifts her head from where she had it nestled in Neil's chest to look into his eyes.

"Oh Neil darling, all we need to tell Jake is that I'm not very well and I need the doctors to help me get better. He has been through enough recently we don't have to scare him with how serious this is. We'd still be being honest with him, it just isn't necessary to tell him the full story yet, it would frighten him. Don't worry about that, we'll work out what to say to him when the time is right."

"We should start to tell people as soon as possible though Andrea, you start treatment in two weeks time and we're going to need all the support we can get. Your parents should know before anyone else and now is as good a time as any to go and see them."

"You're right, I know you are I'm just scared Neil I'm really scared."

"I know that my love, but I'm right here for you, you don't need to be scared."

As they leave to go and break the news to Andrea's parents, she and Neil know that this is only the first of many challenges they will have to face over the coming months.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

They park in the short driveway at Andrea's parent's house behind her father's car. Andrea repeatedly tightens her hands into fists and releases them again trying to relieve some of the tension she is feeling. The anxiety and nervousness she feels is akin to that which she used to feel when she had to break bad news to people during her relatively short police career. It was the only part of the job she disliked. Those feelings are magnified in this case, as it is her own parents she is about to break bad news to. Neil walks around the front of the car to the passenger side where Andrea remains stationary by the car door, and puts his arm around her encouraging her to step away from the car.

It is Andrea's father Tom who answers the door, beaming as he sees his daughter standing before him.

"Hello sweetheart we weren't expecting you, thought you'd be resting up in bed recovering from that flu. I hope you're taking care of yourself, those viruses can be really nasty you know."

"I'm ok daddy, we just wanted to come and talk to you and mum about something."

"Come in sweetheart, both of you. Everything is ok isn't it? Has something happened with Jake?"

"No daddy we'll explain in a minute when we get inside ok?" Her father's continued questioning only makes Andrea more nervous. She and Neil make their way inside the house and towards the living room where Andrea's mother sits. The scene they are met with is warm and inviting, the room is tidy but it looks lived in, and the fresh flowers resting in a vase on the coffee table brighten up the room. Neil and Andrea are greeted warmly by Andrea's mother Siobhan and they take their seats on the couch opposite Andrea's parents. It is hard for Andrea to believe that she is about to shatter the happy little world they have built and though it isn't her fault she still never would have imagined that she would be the person wreak devastation on her parents lives.

Knowing that there is no easy way to tell them about her cancer, Andrea decides to get straight to the point breaking the news as gently as she can knowing Neil is there to support her. Andrea looks to Neil before beginning to explain everything to her parents.

"Mum, dad I have to tell you something and it's really difficult for me." Concern is evident in their expressions as Andrea continues. "I haven't been feeling very well for a few weeks now and I collapsed a week ago at the hospital. When I was there, they did some blood tests and … and I," Andrea falters unsure of how to get the next part out.

"What is it Andrea, you can tell us what's wrong," her father encourages her. She looks to Neil his smile gives her the strength to carry on.

"I've been diagnosed with leukemia, with a type called acute myeloid leukemia. I'm really sick but I'm starting treatment in a couple of weeks and there is absolutely every chance I will get better."

Unable to speak, Andrea's parents just stare at her in disbelief. Their reaction is similar to Neil and Andrea's when they were first told the news, they just cannot take in what they are being told. Though Neil understands that for them it is a different kind of pain, they are terrified of losing their child a fear Neil knows only too well after recent events.

"You have cancer? How can this be happening? You are fit and healthy and you live well this shouldn't have happened to you," her father states in disbelief, anguish in his voice.

"It can happen to anyone daddy, illness doesn't discriminate it can happen to anyone at any time." Andrea no longer tries to fight back tears going to her father's open arms and letting him embrace her tightly.

"You're our little girl Andrea this shouldn't be happening to you, you don't deserve it," her mother says sadly her voice little more than a whisper at this stage.

"No one deserves this mum, it shouldn't happen to anybody but I have to accept that I'm ill and face up to it we all do otherwise none of us will ever get through it."

"Whatever happens and however difficult this all gets we will be here for you, both of you. Anytime you need us for anything we will be right here and we will give you all the support you need."

They remained with Andrea's parents for a few hours going through all the details of her condition and relaying all the information the doctor had given them. Eventually they had left to go and break the news to Neil's parents. Telling some of the people they loved most in the world such devastating news was excruciating for Neil and Andrea. They had to break so many people's hearts and it wasn't even their fault, it was because of something beyond their control.

Neil's parents took the news equally badly and, like Andrea's parents they questioned how this could happen to Andrea. They also offered their unconditional love and support to Neil and Andrea who were extremely grateful for the comfort they had been given. But Neil and Andrea knew that even with such unlimited support from the people who loved them, this was going to be the toughest challenge they would ever face.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's notes: I have tried to do as much research as possible to make all the medical information as accurate as I can so sorry if there are any inaccuracies! Also, I'm sorry if the story seems to be moving a bit slowly in these next few chapters but I just wanted to establish the seriousness of Andrea's condition and not glaze over too many details! Thanks for all the reviews : )

* * *

The night before Andrea is due to start treatment her and Neil pay their daily visit to Jake at St Hugh's hospital knowing that with Andrea's imminent hospitalization, the task of explaining her illness to Jake is now unavoidable. They had discussed it the night before and decided that the best way to go about telling Jake was to play it down and not make to big of a deal out of the news. All he needs to know is that Andrea is sick and she will have to go into hospital for the doctors to try and make her better. A huge grin spreads across Jake's face as he sees Neil and Andrea approach his ward. He is sitting up in bed, propped up by pillows and is happily working away filling in the pages of a colouring book. When Neil and Andrea reach his bedside he latches onto both giving each of them a loving hug. He then begins chattering excitedly to them about all the people who have come to visit him today and proudly shows off all the presents and cards he has been given, including one enormous handmade card created by his teacher and classmates and signed by everyone. They all say they hope he will be well enough to return to school when the summer holidays are over. After sitting chatting to Andrea and his dad for a while, Jake becomes restless and asks to have a story read to him so Andrea picks up his favourite story book and begins reading to him from it.

After finishing the story which Jake had been completely captivated by, Andrea and Neil prepare to explain Andrea's illness to Jake. Neil moves his chair closer to Jake's bedside and covers one of his son's small hands with one of his own.

"Listen mate, Andrea and I have to talk to you about something important. Now it isn't anything for you to worry about but we just need you to listen to us for a minute."

For a moment panic flits across Jake's face. He has misinterpreted his father's words and is afraid that they are about to tell him that there is something else wrong with him.

"What's wrong daddy? Did I get even sicker?" His big brown eyes are full worry and his bottom lip begins to tremble. Andrea quickly begins to speak, attempting to allay Jake's fears and stop him from crying.

"Oh no sweetheart this isn't about you, you are getting better." Andrea whispers reassuringly whilst stroking Jake's hair. "We just need to tell you something. I had to go to see the doctor as well a few weeks ago because I was feeling sick, and he told me that I'm not very well and I'm going to have to stay in the hospital for a little while so that the doctors can try to make me better." Even this simple explanation invites a series of questions from a curious Jake.

"What's wrong with you Andrea? Why are you sick?"

"I'm just a wee bit sick at the moment Jake and it makes me very tired and I'm going to need a lot of medicine to get me better. I don't know why I got sick lots of people get sick for no reason." Andrea explains gently trying to dispel any worry or concern Jake might have about her. He has enough to cope with at the moment.

"Are the doctors going to make you all better? They can't make me all better so what if they can't make you better either?" Sadness and panic are evident in his tone and facial expression. Even giving Jake such a simplified version of the truth has not completely protected him from getting hurt as Neil and Andrea had hoped.

"The doctors are going to give Andrea lots of special medicine to help make her better Jake and they will try their best to get rid of all the nasty germs that are making her sick sweetheart." Neil attempts to offer his son as positive an explanation as he possibly can without making promises that he and Andrea might not be able to keep.

Jake's questions continue for a while before one final thought springs to his mind.

"Andrea, when you have to stay in the hospital will you be able to stay in a bed near me?"

Andrea smiles lovingly at him before replying, "No sweetheart, the doctors said I have to stay in another part of the hospital with other people that have the same thing wrong with them as I do. That's where they keep the special medicine I need to get better. I won't be able to come and visit you for a little while either because the doctors say I have to stay in bed until I get a little bit better, but I promise I will come to see you as soon as I feel well enough and we can read another one of those stories together, I'd really like that."

Jake beams brightly back at her when she mentions this. He has always loved having stories read to him but he likes it best when Andrea reads them because she puts on all the different voices making him laugh.

"I'll miss you Andrea," he whispers quietly.

"I'll miss you too sweetheart," Andrea replies softly before giving Jake a cuddle.

As she and Neil go to leave the children's ward Jake suddenly calls after them. "Don't worry Andrea, daddy will look after you." They both turn and smile at Jake before leaving.

The next morning Neil accompanies Andrea to the oncology ward where her treatment is starting. By this stage Andrea is petrified and no longer attempts to keep up the pretence of normality. Neither does Neil. They are not afraid to admit to each other exactly how scared they are. When they arrive Andrea is allocated a room separate from the main wards due to the fact that she has to be kept in hospital over the next ten nights. After she has settled in her room the oncology nurses set up the IV infusion with the chemotherapy drugs Andrea needs. Eventually Andrea persuades Neil to leave and go to work telling him that he needs to have some semblance of normality in his life and that right now she has the medical team to take care of her, its when she gets home from hospital that she will need him to take care of her. Neil leaves reluctantly knowing that there isn't anything more he can do for Andrea right now and promising to come back and see her after he has visited Jake later on. As he leaves the hospital and walks towards his car, Neil silently anticipates the point ten days from now when he can leave the hospital with Andrea by his side and take her home where he can care for her properly.


	11. Chapter 11

Neil sits in his office in CID staring at the same set of crime statistics for the borough that he has been looking at for the past half an hour. He cannot concentrate on his work. All he can focus on at the moment is Andrea and what she is going through at the moment. He desperately wants to be with her at the hospital but he knows that Andrea is right; he can't spend his whole life at the hospital. Besides he wants to keep all the sick leave he has for next week when Andrea is home and he will need time off to take care of her. Neil is miles away when a knock on the door of his office interrupts his reverie.

"Come in," he calls absently. He still hasn't entirely separated himself from his day dreams when his colleague and friend Phil Hunter enters the office with the intention of discussing a possible lead on an armed robbery case.

"Hi guv, good news I think me and Terry have a lead on the armed robbery at that jewelry store."

"Yeah sure, tell me what you've got," Neil replies trying to give Phil his full attention though his mind continues to wander. Phil begins going through the evidence and the statements he and Terry have collected but Neil has tuned out. He keeps thinking of Andrea at the hospital and worries whether she is ok, if there is anyone looking after her. He wonders if she is in pain or has she managed to sleep, Andrea is all he can think of.

"Guv, guv are you listening?" Phil finally breaks through.

"What? Oh sorry Phil I was miles away I'm still feeling a bit under the weather," Neil lies. It isn't very convincing though and Phil can tell there is something else bothering him.

"Neil is everything ok? It's this whole thing with Jake isn't it that's what's getting you down? Well I can understand that mate I mean, if anything ever happened to Madison I just don't know …"

"It isn't Jake I'm worried about," Neil interrupts "It's Andrea." Neil knows what he is about to say will come as a shock to his friend. Phil and his wife Cindy had become two of Andrea and Neil's closest friends over the past couple of years but they hadn't got around to telling them about the cancer, they just hadn't had the opportunity.

"Why what's up with her, she still not well?"

"She has cancer, leukemia. She's at the hospital today starting intensive treatment and it's all I can think about."

Phil can't quite believe what Neil has just told him. He and Cindy hadn't had any idea.

"Oh mate why didn't you tell me and Cindy this we could've helped you cope you know that."

"Yeah I know that Phil it's just it took so much for us to tell our parents and we've had so much to come to terms with ourselves that we just haven't had the chance to tell anyone else." Neil allows some of the strain of the past few weeks to show on his face.

"How bad is she?"

"Pretty bad, the oncologist told us it's an aggressive type but they also told us there is nothing to stop her going into remission with the treatment they're giving her."

"Well if you need anything at all you know you can count on me and Cindy to be here for you both," Phil says offering his support to his friend.

"Thanks mate, I appreciate that we both do. Sorry I'll give you my full attention now with the case," Neil offers.

"No its ok mate I think me and Terry can handle it from here." With that Phil leaves again.

Later in the evening after visiting Jake, Neil makes his way up to the oncology ward and approaches Andrea's bed as she sleeps. He notices how exhausted and completely drained she looks even when she is deep in sleep. Bending over slightly he kisses her forehead gently and takes hold of one of her hands before sitting down by her bedside. After a while Andrea begins to stir and her eyes slowly flicker open. When she sees Neil she smiles up at him.

"Hey you, how are you feeling?" Neil asks returning her affectionate smile.

"Tired, pretty rotten, like a human pincushion," she replies adding a small laugh at the last part.

"Well at least you haven't lost your sense of humor," Neil teases affectionately.

"Certainly haven't. I missed you today."

"Missed you too. I was worried about you today. I've had to tell Phil what's happening. I know we planned to tell him and Cindy together but he noticed I was distracted at work so he asked me what was wrong. I needed to talk to someone."

"Hey, it's alright Neil I wouldn't have expected you to lie to him. Anyway there isn't any good way to tell our friends I have cancer whether we tell them together or not. I'm glad you're here now, I feel better having you here." Andrea smiles weakly up at Neil and he returns the smile before leaning down and engaging her lips in a sweet kiss whilst delicately stroking her cheek. It isn't long before exhaustion takes over again and she drifts off to sleep again but Neil doesn't leave for hours afterwards, not wanting to leave Andrea alone and not wanting to face returning home without her for the first time in over two years.


	12. Chapter 12

Neil helps Andrea walk slowly towards the car. The last ten days have really drained all the energy from her. God knows how many chemicals she has had pumped into her body over the past few days, she has been sick countless times because of the side effects of chemotherapy and all she seems to have the strength for at the moment is sleep. Despite her exhaustion Andrea has a growing sense of anticipation and excitement as she and Neil left the hospital to go home. It doesn't matter that he has been at the hospital with her for hours every single night she has been there, Andrea has missed Neil immensely and he has missed her too. Everyone has been extremely supportive since the news about Andrea's illness became known to those closest to her and Neil. Andrea's parents have been in to see her every day as Neil has and have been offering their support to Neil as much as possible. His parents have also been doing their best to take care of both of them and there has been an endless stream of their friends and colleagues from Sun Hill visiting when Andrea has been well enough to see them.

Once inside the flat, which Neil has cleaned and rearranged at least a dozen times to make it perfect for her homecoming, Andrea settles down on the sofa and is soon lulled to sleep by the soft melody emanating from the hi-fi system. Neil covers her over with a throw rug from the back of the couch before moving slowly towards the kitchen to prepare a small meal for himself. He cannot remove his eyes from her as she sleeps silently. While there is still as much exhaustion and pain etched on her face as there was during her time in hospital, there is now something else in her features which was lacking when she had to stay at St Hugh's. Now there is a small smile on her face and a sort of contentment even as she sleeps. It is obvious she is happy to be back home with Neil, where she feels safe, loved and protected.

Recovery is a slow process. Andrea still finds herself unable to do much during the day, drifting off to sleep several times only to have her slumber interrupted by intermittent bouts of nausea. Though she is constantly improving, and with Neil running himself ragged to take care of her Andrea finds it much easier to regain her strength. It hasn't been an easy time for either of them but they support each other and give each other strength to cope. There has also been one piece of positive news which has given them some hope for Jake's prospects of recovery. The physiotherapists want to start working with him next week and he is due to be released from hospital on Friday. Despite the fact that their troubles are far from over, Neil and Andrea are so thankful for the excellent progress Jake has been making. Andrea has always had an immense amount of respect and admiration for Neil. Aside from her father Neil is the best man she has ever known and he is her hero. However, her admiration for him has only grown since she became ill. He does so much for her and she knows he must be going through hell but he bears it all with the patience of a saint never once complaining or showing any annoyance about everything he has had to deal with.

During the night she wakes with a jolt feeling extremely nauseous and runs to the bathroom as quickly as possible, her legs barely able to hold her up. The retching is agonizing and as she brings up everything that is left in her Andrea feels like crying. Neil is at her side within minutes not at all bothered by the unpleasantness of watching Andrea retching and being violently ill. He just supports her body weight with his as he pulls her hair back holding it away from her face and soothingly strokes her back. He sits with her on the bathroom floor for almost an hour as she continues to be sick, rubbing her back and gently comforting her.

"Hey," he says softly as he embraces her and hands her a glass of water "you want me to run you a bath sweetheart?"

"No thanks I just want to go back to bed and try to sleep again. Thank you for taking care of me tonight I know you're tired too." Her voice is rough and weak from the effects of being so ill.

"I don't care about being tired all that matters is making sure you're alright. You don't have to thank me for looking after you I love you its just second nature to me," he whispers reassuringly.

"Just want you to know how much I appreciate you." Her eyes are beginning to shut slowly as she speaks. Neil lifts her as if she weighs almost nothing and carries her back to bed pulling the covers over her to keep her warm. Andrea instantly falls asleep as Neil carefully brushes stray strands of hair off her face and out of her eyes and kisses her forehead before climbing into bed beside her and letting her sleep in his arms.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's notes: Just a quick note to say thanks for all the reviews, they are much appreciated!!! Just one short chapter this time and I do feel a wee bit superstitious about leaving the chapter count at 13 for too long so will be updating asap lol. But hopefully I shouldn't be too long getting the next few chapters up after this!!

* * *

It has been a huge adjustment but Andrea has become accustomed to coping with her weekly chemotherapy cycles. It has become a part of her routine almost, albeit a part she has great disdain for but she has learned to tolerate it. Having Jake stay at their flat every weekend since he was released from hospital has helped to take Andrea's mind off her own health problems as she and Neil try to help Jake cope with his disability. Neil has been incredible, a tower of strength, and Andrea always makes sure she is there to offer support to him as well. They have made the best attempt they can to restore normality to their lives without ignoring the seriousness of the challenges they face together.

The rush hour traffic has held them up and made them twenty minutes late getting home from work. Any other day it wouldn't matter too much, the only consequence being mild frustration at not being able to escape to the privacy and relaxed atmosphere of their home more quickly after a hard day at work. Tonight though Neil and Andrea are expected at the dinner party for Cindy Hunter's birthday and they don't relish the prospect of holding up the celebrations. When they finally reach the flat, Andrea makes a dash straight for the shower.

"Hey relax we've got loads of time," Neil says smiling at her, making no attempt to start getting ready to go out.

"We are going to be late," Andrea replies with urgency in her tone as she places emphasis on the word late.

"Possibly, but fashionably late." A smile spreads across his face as he teases Andrea.

"Neil," Andrea begins to get exasperated with him "we are already running twenty minutes late because of the traffic, we both need to shower and change and get over to Phil and Cindy's in the next forty five minutes," Andrea lists.

"Whoa, calm down sweetheart it won't take us long to get ready, especially if you don't have any objections to sharing the shower with me." There is a cheeky glint in Neil's eyes as he continues to tease Andrea and she laughs despite herself.

"No, none at all," she replies with a smile before they head towards the bathroom.

After their shower together they have little time to continue getting ready. Andrea quickly slips into her pale gold chiffon empire line dress and pulls on the high healed gold satin sandals with the beaded embellishment. She completes her outfit by placing the delicate silver chain with the heart shaped pendant, the first Christmas present Neil ever bought her, around her neck. Though it does not completely tie in with the rest of her outfit this necklace has always been a favorite of Andrea's and there is no other piece of jewelry she would rather wear. As Neil is almost ready to go all that remains to be done is Andrea's hair and make up. She chooses to keep her make up simple, never having been one to trowel it on her face. After applying a light layer of foundation and some lip plumping gloss Andrea finally turns her attention to her hair. It is sitting perfectly, all she has to do is run a brush through it a few times and she will be ready. The brush slides smoothly through her silky hair but as she pulls it through her hair once again she watches in horror as a small clump of hair falls out. Andrea is still unable to believe what she has seen; staring at the clump of hair she has just pulled out. She knows she should have been prepared for this, after all the doctors had explained hair loss was a likely side effect of the chemotherapy treatment she was receiving. That did not prevent it from being an extreme shock whenever it actually happened though. Silver tear tracks adorn her cheeks though her cries are inaudible meaning Neil almost doesn't notice that she is upset as he enters their room again to retrieve his jacket. He is struck by the fact she sits so still when only moments ago she had been buzzing around getting ready for their night out, and it concerns him.

"What is it sweetheart? Hey you've been crying," he remarks his worry growing. Andrea doesn't speak she simply holds up the hair that has fallen out to demonstrate the reason for her sudden tearfulness.

"Oh sweetheart I'm sorry," Neil soothes.

"I should have been expecting this," is Andrea's sorrowful reply.

"That doesn't make it any easier to accept when it happens. You still look beautiful you know, incredibly so. It's barely noticeable."

"It is to me," by this stage Andrea sounds utterly despondent but Neil does his best to reassure her.

"But to me you look perfect, you are perfect," he whispers quietly, hoping his few honest words will make Andrea feel better about herself. He is not disappointed as Andrea is encouraged by what Neil says to her and feels her confidence slowly returning as they leave for the celebrations at Phil and Cindy's house.

The evening is going remarkably well for everyone. There is only a small group of friends present and aside from Andrea and Neil, Kerry and Smithy and Mickey and Mia were there from Sun Hill. There were also a couple of other friends of Cindy's there. There was a wonderful atmosphere, everyone was so relaxed with each other and the conversation flowed with ease. Andrea had begun to let go off her self consciousness and was no longer worried about her hair. However the light heartedness is soon brought to an abrupt halt. During a break in the conversation Phil attempts to break the silence but unwittingly chooses the most insensitive way to do so. Turning towards Andrea he thoughtlessly says, "Your hair looks different tonight have you done something to it?"

Andrea finds it impossible to hide the fact that the comment has deeply wounded her though she attempts to. She knows there was no malice in Phil's comment but it has drawn attention to her hair now and brought back all the self consciousness she experienced earlier. An awkward silence descends over the group and no one knows where to look. Andrea manages to stutter a reply, that she has done nothing to alter the appearance of her hair before excusing herself and hurriedly exiting the room as tears well up in her eyes.

"Phil you idiot!" Cindy exclaims hitting his arm, "how can you be so insensitive you know what she's going through."

"I don't know, I didn't think," Phil replies, regret about his faux pas evident in his tone of voice.

"That much is blatantly obvious," Neil states coldly, glaring angrily at Phil as he prepares to leave the table and find Andrea to comfort her. Cindy stops him.

"I'll go after her. She needs her friends as well right now." Cindy leaves to find Andrea as Neil continues to glare across the table at a guilty looking Phil.

Cindy finds Andrea in tears in the upstairs bathroom, studying each aspect of her appearance in the mirror and evidently hating what she sees. It is unbearable to see Andrea like this.

"Hey," she says putting an arm around her friend, "sorry about my idiot of a husband he tends not to think before he speaks." Andrea attempts a laugh at this but can't quite find the strength.

"I'm not going to patronize you Andrea and tell you I understand how this must feel for you or that I know what you are going through. But even if you're losing your hair and the weight is dropping off you, you will always be Andrea; you will always be one of my best friends and the love of Neil's life and a talented press officer working for the MET and so many other things. None of that changes because your appearance does and we won't love or value you any less because of it either." Andrea smiles with gratitude for the beautiful and comforting words spoken by her friend.

"I know that but I just, can't help feeling like a part of me is being taken away. I can't help wanting to look beautiful and I didn't feel beautiful earlier this evening when my hair started to fall out. I was just reminded of that when Phil said what he did. I feel so self conscious about my appearance Cindy and I feel so unattractive because of the weight loss, the sickness, the bruising and now my hair as well." Andrea attempts to convey the depth of despair she is feeling to her friend.

"Hey you are still beautiful Andrea, but you know any time you need a pampering session to make you feel a bit more special just come to me and I'll give you the full works manicure, pedicure, make- up, a massage, even hair."

"Thank you for being here for me," Andrea says emotionally as Cindy embraces her. Before returning to the dining table Andrea does her best to get rid of any evidence of tears.

Later that evening when they return home Neil feels the need to talk to Andrea again and reassure her that the changes in her appearance caused by her cancer treatment don't affect the way he feels about her. He is well aware of how self conscious she has been lately, constantly comparing her appearance to that of almost every other woman she sees.

"Come here to me," Neil requests softly and Andrea acquiesces going straight to his arms. "You know you are always beautiful to me Andrea no matter what. And I know how difficult it is for you to cope with all this, losing your hair and feeling so ill but I love you."

"I know that," she smiles at him, "and you make me feel so beautiful but I can't help feeling self conscious and inferior around other people. And as well as that I can't help feeling extremely vain and self centred for focusing so much on my appearance when there are so many more important things going on in our lives right now," Andrea explains sadly.

"Hey, it is not selfish to feel that way. This illness takes so much away from you already, you are allowed to care about your appearance," Neil reassures her gently, "after everything you have been through and everything you are going to have to face in the future with this illness you deserve that one little thing, you deserve to feel beautiful."


	14. Chapter 14

Authors notes: Ok, thanks again for the reviews, sorry I'm only posting one chapter, I had originally intended to post two or three more together but I have depression and it isn't always easy for me to concentrate on the writing I'm doing, and sometimes I just don't have the energy or inclination to do anything. Having said that though, fanfiction has actually become my refuge, I can escape here to forget everything and block out the real world when things are particularly difficult. Anyway, sorry for that rant, will try to update again soon, have the main story outlined and know how it unfolds and ends, just have to fill in a few details.

* * *

As Andrea's hair continues to fall out she decides to have a hair replacement treatment rather than wear a wig. The process of having her hair replaced had involved using a waterproof adhesive to attach the synthetic hair to her scalp. It may have been more expensive than simply using a wig or hair piece to cover up her continued hair loss but despite the fact that the hair is created using synthetic fibres, it looks so much more natural and to Andrea it feels more like her own hair. It is the same length and colour as her real hair; though the texture is different it is no longer as silky and smooth as her hair was. Nevertheless, in the weeks since Andrea has had the procedure done her confidence has grown significantly and she feels better about herself. It was definitely worth the extra expense.

Today she feels even better about herself as Neil lavishes attention on her and makes her feel like a princess. It is her birthday and he is determined to make this one day special for her. He wants to help her forget for one day about the dark cloud hanging over them and forcing them to put their lives on hold, he wants to eradicate any sense of sadness or misery from this day and give her back some of the normality that cancer has taken away from her. It is definitely working and Andrea feels more relaxed than she has in weeks. He begins the day by taking her breakfast in bed and presenting her with the gifts he has bought for her. She is elated to receive an illustrated colour copy of the original stories of "Winnie the Pooh." The stories have been favourites of hers since her father read them to her when she was a little girl and they continue to inspire fond memories in her. She has a passion for reading the stories and has a small collection of memorabilia, a collection only few people know of and Neil is sworn to secrecy on this particular aspect of her life which greatly amuses him. He constantly teases her that her about her fear of others finding out about her love for a talking yellow bear and laughs at how she protects her secret as if she were trying to hide a dark past or a double life. Nevertheless he understands how the link to her childhood is important to her. Andrea has never had a personal copy of these original stories and is deeply touched by Neil's thoughtfulness. Aside from this he also gives her what he jokingly calls her "grown up" present. Andrea gazes at the delicate silver bangle which is encrusted with crystals and semi precious stones in complete awe. It is absolutely beautiful and definitely expensive, almost too expensive for someone like her who is prone to accidents and will probably end up ruining or breaking the delicate bangle she thinks. She vocalizes these thoughts to Neil who reassures her she is worth it.

They have taken the whole day off to spend together and regardless of the fact that she gets tired relatively easy, Andrea has requested an action packed day to mark the celebration of her birthday. They take the whole day together to spend in London, capitalizing on the warmth of the late summer sun and starting with an early picnic lunch in the park and following that up by taking in all the sites and tourist attractions. It doesn't matter that they are permanent residents of the city they still enjoy exploiting everything the city has to offer. Andrea drags him to the London eye; they spend hours taking in the breath taking exhibitions in the museums and art galleries before finishing with a session at the outdoor ice rink, one aspect of their day Neil was apprehensive about due to the fact he doesn't trust his balance and coordination to hold out on the ice. Nevertheless he enjoys it and he and Andrea have a great laugh completely forgetting all off the sadness and trouble that has been plaguing them lately with Andrea's illness and Jake's accident.

They finish their session at the ice rink thoroughly exhausted and absolutely famished.

"So what do you fancy for dinner then? We could try haute cuisine in a French restaurant, an upmarket Italian eatery or Mexican if you're feeling really adventurous," Neil says light heartedly.

"I'll settle for just having fish and chips," Andrea says adding a small laugh to the words.

They walk slowly hand in hand along the banks of the Thames underneath a deep crimson sky devouring their takeaway fish and chips as they go. If anything or any single day can ever possibly be perfect, Andrea has no doubt that this is one of those things which warrants the definition. Today has been stress and anxiety free and today Andrea has felt like a completely normal person for the first time in ages and that is all down to the man she loves, it is all because of Neil.

"You ok?" he gently questions noticing how pensive she is. Andrea turns to him beaming, her eyes sparkling and her complexion glowing.

"I'm absolutely fine, I'm wonderful. In fact I feel almost perfect. Thank you for today Neil it has been amazing."

"Hey, you know you don't have to thank me, today happened because I love you so much and I wanted to give you a perfect, happy day," Neil replies gazing into her eyes, his words flowing straight from the heart.

"I know that, but thank you anyway for making these memories with me today, I'll cherish them forever Neil," she says gazing fondly back at Neil.

"So will I," is his simple reply before he tenderly takes her into his arms in a loving embrace and kisses her softly on the lips.


	15. Chapter 15

Andrea lies curled up in Neil's arms on the sofa, exhausted after having had her chemotherapy treatment today. A popular action film plays on the television but neither Neil nor Andrea pays much attention to the images flickering across the screen. Andrea has her eyes closed and has been dozing periodically for the last hour or so, and Neil's eyes are focused on his sleeping fiancée as he holds her tighter and runs his fingers lightly through her hair. To him she looks positively angelic at the moment and simply watching her sleep helps to relieve some of the stress and pressure he has been feeling lately. Jake's condition has been a constant source of worry to him especially in the last few weeks. While Jake has been making excellent progress with his physiotherapist Neil worries that his son is beginning to expect a miracle cure and he doesn't relish the prospect of having to pick up the pieces when Jake's illusions are shattered. He smiles as he watches Andrea and recalls how when he confided these fears to her she told him he needed to follow his son's example and have more faith. He has also been so worried about Andrea lately, she has become so weak and fragile from her illness and has lost an unbelievable amount of weight and it scares Neil to see how much she has deteriorated.

As Neil sits there lost in thought Andrea awakens once again and shifts slightly in his arms. Her sudden movement brings him out of his day dream as he checks to make sure she is ok.

"How are you feeling?" He takes care to whisper so as not to exacerbate the headache she was complaining of earlier.

"Not too bad, really tired though," she mumbles lethargically as she snuggles closer into his chest.

"You know Jake's physiotherapists said that we should be there for some of his sessions to give him encouragement. If you're feeling well enough would you come with me on Thursday?"

Andrea turns to look at him, surprised that he felt he had to ask.

"Neil of course I will I want to support you both through all of this. Are you sure Philippa will be alright with this?"

"Hey, you are such an important part of Jake's life and he will need you there. Much as Philippa might not want you to be there it wouldn't be fair on Jake for her to stop you being there, or you for that matter. Besides I'm Jake's dad and I want and need you there as well," Neil reassures her.

"I'll be there then no matter how tired or lousy I feel I will not let you down I promise."

* * *

On Thursday afternoon Neil and Andrea take Jake to the hospital for his physiotherapy session. His therapist starts him off with some gentle mobilization exercises which he does sitting down; all Neil and Andrea can really do is sit and watch. However the reason the physiotherapist has encouraged Jake's family to begin attending his sessions soon becomes apparent. He wants to try and get Jake to walk now that he has sufficient movement in his legs. They have been warned that it will be a slow and often frustrating process which has no guarantees of success but they remain as positive as possible for Jake's sake.

The therapist wheels Jake over to a simple apparatus, a walkway with handrails either side of it to help him maintain balance as he tries to move his legs. Neil and Andrea walk over to where Jake is and stand at the other end of the walkway where they are facing him. As the therapist supports Jake's weight and helps him stand they attempt to encourage him to walk towards them. The whole situation reminds Neil somewhat of watching his son take his first steps when he was an infant. Despite the increased mobility in Jake's legs, he finds it extremely difficult to put one foot in front of the other and after several attempts tears of frustration and despair well up in his eyes. It was exactly what Neil had been afraid of. Jake had been too optimistic and had expected too much, now the disappointment was unbearable for him. Neil attempts to rally his spirits and encourage him to try again.

"Come on Jake you can do this sweetheart just a few short steps towards me eh?" Neil says smiling brightly at his son.

Spurred on by the words Jake makes another attempt to walk, but it is futile. As tears begin to overflow Jake looks up at Neil sadly saying, "I can't daddy I can't do it I'm sorry."

Neil struggles to hold it together and no longer attempts to encourage his young son to try walking. Both father and son are utterly despondent at this point. Noticing this Andrea decides to intervene and encourage both that it would be wrong to give up just because this isn't easy.

"Hey sweetheart look at me," she says gently to Jake "you can do this. I know it isn't easy, believe me I find it really hard to do things some days since I've got sick. It makes you really scared doesn't it?" Jake answers with a tearful nod. "That's ok though, it is alright to be scared and to find things difficult, but everybody who loves you is here to help you Jake and it doesn't matter how long it takes to help you get better because we will get you better."

"Really?" Jake asks still tearful but with hope in his voice.

"Yes," Andrea smiles, "But to get better you have to keep trying as hard as you can sweetheart ok? So why don't you try again eh? I'm here. Try to walk towards me and your daddy even if you only get to take one step that would be so brave and so wonderful Jake."

Inspired by Andrea's words Jake makes another shaky attempt to walk. The effort he puts into moving is evident as is the difficulty he is facing but he perseveres. Neil wraps his arms around Andrea and gazes wide eyed in amazement as his little boy who was told only months ago he may never walk again, takes his first few tentative steps since his accident.


	16. Chapter 16

Andrea observes her reflection in the mirror as she and Neil get ready for the Sun Hill Christmas party, and she admires what she sees. She wears a navy blue, knee length satin kimono which is embellished with the design of purple, pink and white flowers and leaves in shades of turquoise and green. There are tiny sequins and beads delicately embroidered onto the dress and it ties at the back, emphasizing her slim waist. Andrea pairs the kimono with a pair of high heeled silver satin mules adorned with tiny rhinestones, and she wears minimal accessories. For the first time in months she is feeling confident about her appearance, in fact she has been feeling more confident about a lot of things recently. Since that day at the hospital when she and Neil witnessed Jake's perseverance in taking his first steps since the accident, Andrea has felt almost certain that she too can recover from the illness afflicting her.

Neil stands in the doorway gazing with fondness at Andrea though she is completely oblivious to his presence. She looks amazing he thinks, as he admires the way the dress clings to every curve, accentuating her wonderful figure. He can't help but notice how much weight she has lost, however this does not detract from the beauty of her appearance. Neil has also been feeling a lot more hopeful about Andrea's condition lately. He remembers her encouragement and positivity with Jake at the hospital and has recently adopted the same attitude as Andrea, not only about Jake's hopes of recovery but also about Andrea's. He has never been prepared to give up on Andrea or stop fighting to get her better, but he now allows himself to feel so much more confident about her prospects of going into remission.

Eventually becoming aware of his presence Andrea turns and walks towards him.

"So what do you think?" she asks giving him a twirl and beaming at him. That brilliant smile of hers makes her look even more gorgeous, and even if he tried he wouldn't be able to stop himself grinning back at her.

"You are so beautiful," he whispers tenderly as he gently wraps his arms around her slender waist. "You look absolutely perfect." He leans forward, engaging Andrea's lips in a soft kiss. She responds, intensifying the kiss before stepping back and pretending to examine Neil's appearance.

"Hmm, you'll do," she teases him as she looks him up and down.

"Hey, I object to that," Neil replies pretending to be offended by the comment and Andrea laughs.

"Ok, I actually think you look incredibly sexy," Andrea says flirtatiously, her tone seductive. This time it is Andrea who initiates the passionate kiss.

"We'll be late," Neil murmurs smiling at her as they break apart. As he speaks he takes her hands in his guiding her slowly towards the bed. Andrea presses her nose against his, smiling before indulging in another sweet kiss.

"I know," she whispers in the same seductive tone, "but what is it you're always saying about being fashionably late?"

* * *

They end up arriving almost twenty minutes late, rudely late rather than fashionably late. Neil always used to avoid Sun Hill gatherings at all costs, always trying to maintain a professional distance between himself and his colleagues and also feeling that his presence wasn't actually desired by the people he worked with. Since he and Andrea have been together it has been a different story. While he still maintains a clear line of separation between himself and those who work for him, Neil now gets more involved in these events mainly due to the fact that Andrea wants him with her on these occasions and it doesn't matter so much to him that others may not be so keen on his attendance.

It ends up being a wonderful night, Neil no longer feels out of place at these gatherings and it enables him to relax and enjoy the evening. He is unable to remove his eyes from Andrea the whole night, she is without doubt the most beautiful woman in the room and he is oblivious to everything else. Neil cannot help but notice that she also has a healthy glow about her tonight, she looks much better than she has in months and he dares to hope that Andrea may actually be getting better.


	17. Chapter 17

He has lost count of the number of times he has watched Andrea like this, sleeping peacefully beside him and yet the sight never loses its magic and is always completely captivating to Neil. Right now they are lying on top of the bed clothes in the middle of the afternoon. Andrea had been lying down here resting for over two hours now and Neil had joined her just moments ago wanting to relay the important news he has just received to her. But once again he has become totally entranced by the image of Andrea deep in slumber, lost in her dreams. After indulging in the sight for a few minutes he gently coaxes her awake, whispering to her to wake up and tenderly stroking her cheek as he does so. Slowly Andrea stirs and finally becomes fully conscious again smiling when she realizes who is responsible for her wakening.

"Hey, I wouldn't have woken you but I had to tell you this. Jake's specialist has given us an appointment for next Friday and she is going to give us an overview of his condition and tell us whether he will be able to cope without the wheelchair." Neil is excited but understandably apprehensive in case the news is not as positive as they have been hoping for.

"That's wonderful sweetheart," she replies lethargically. "Hold on what time next Friday?"

"At 12.30pm, why is there something…? Oh of course," the realization suddenly dawns on Neil of what else is significant about that day and time.

"I didn't forget your appointment sweetheart; I just got so caught up in everything with Jake. Yours is at exactly the same time isn't it?" Neil asks quickly coming down from the high he had been on a few moments ago. He now knows he will have to let down one of the two most important people in his life on that Friday.

"It's ok Neil, you will go to the appointment with your son, he needs you far more than I do," Andrea offers selflessly.

"Hey, I'm not leaving you to get those test results by yourself Andrea there is absolutely no question of you going on your own, I am going to be there for you and I need to be there for you." Neil protests not wanting to leave the woman he loves to face such a momentous event on her own.

"Neil I'm a grown woman and much as I might want and need you with me at that appointment, your little boy needs his father far more. Go to Jake's appointment, no arguments I'm insisting you do as I say," Andrea counters his argument and Neil knows when he is beaten. He backs down and agrees with what Andrea has decided should be done. He knows she is right, his young son needs him, but he aches because he longs to be there for Andrea in her time of need as well.

Several times over the next few days Neil continues to debate whether to attend Jake's appointment or Andrea's appointment at the hospital and cannot decide what to do for the best. Despite what Andrea has said, Neil knows she needs him and he can't bear to think of her having to sit in the doctor's office by herself awaiting news which could be potentially life changing. It seems unfair to Neil to have to let Andrea down, but his son needs the support of his father right now. Despite his last minute change of heart, Andrea eventually persuades Neil she will cope fine on her own. He walks with Andrea up to Dr Roberts' office on the oncology ward almost making himself late for Jake's appointment.

"Good luck my love, you'll be fine I know you will," Neil whispers as he kisses her tenderly and envelopes her in a comforting hug.

"Yeah, I'll be fine darling. You better run or you'll be late for Jake. Good luck for that too and give him my love, tell him I'll be right down as soon as I'm finished here," Andrea replies before kissing Neil gently on the lips and releasing him from her arms so as he can dash off to the children's' ward.

Neil just about reaches the ward on time to meet with Jake's specialist. Jake is excited about today. He knows that the doctor may tell him he no longer has to be in a wheelchair and he hopes this is what they will say. Neil dreads to think how his son's mood will deflate if he doesn't get the news he is hoping for. Everyone is here supporting Jake today, obviously Philippa her partner and their parents, Neil and his parents and even Andrea's parents. It makes him feel guilty about Andrea being left to face her results by herself. Jake's specialist is extremely friendly and has a good rapport with Jake, explaining everything at a level which Jake can understand. The news is very positive Jake has astounded them all with his progress and has regained a high level of mobility in his legs. The swelling around his spinal cord has been significantly reduced and the medics have ascertained that there is no permanent damage to his spinal cord. The specialist admits that while it may take some time for Jake to regain full mobility in his legs he will not have to be completely reliant on a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Needless to say the family is absolutely overjoyed to learn that Jake's prognosis is so positive and Neil can only hope for such a positive outcome for Andrea's test results.

As Andrea sits in the waiting room she fidgets nervously, unable to calm the growing fear within her. She also cannot ignore the deep sense of foreboding she has as she awaits the life changing news. She can only pray that Jake gets the positive life changing outcome he both needs and deserves. Eventually she is called in to Dr Roberts' office and takes a seat in front of his desk. At that moment she desperately wishes she had been selfish and persuaded Neil to accompany her today rather than Jake, but she knows that little boy needed his daddy today and realistically she could not have brought herself to deprive him of his father's support and comfort. Andrea feels as if she could actually be physically sick now she just wants to know her results. Dr Roberts sits across from her and she can read the expression in his eyes, she knows this is not going to be good news. Dr Roberts begins to speak and explain what the test results have shown,

"Miss Dunbar, I am very sorry to have to tell you this but I am afraid your prognosis is not good…"

Leaving the office Andrea runs through everything she has just been told again, going over details in her head. She can't quite take it in. It is heartbreaking news yet she hasn't been able to cry yet. It is just impossible for Andrea to comprehend the fact that she is not going to get better, she will not survive. She is going to die. How can this be happening to her? And how will she ever tell Neil, it will break his heart too. As she approaches the children's ward she witnesses the happy scenes of celebration playing out between Jake and all his family members and she knows they must have had positive news. She also knows that she is going to hide the truth from Neil for today at least about what she was told by the oncologist. When she sees Neil coming towards her a huge grin stretched across his face, she eliminates any evidence of tears and sadness from her features and puts on a brave face grinning back.

"Well, how did Jake get on? Was it good news?" Andrea attempts to sound upbeat as she speaks.

"The best," is all Neil says before scooping her into his arms and embracing her tightly. She can see the burden of worrying for Jake's condition has lifted with the positive news and there is absolutely no way she is going to spoil this for Neil.

"How about you, how was your news?" Neil asks expectantly hoping for more positive news. Andrea hesitates for a split second before lying, "Yeah I got on great, I'm doing really well." Despite her words and tone which indicate that everything is alright and she is doing well, Neil notices something in Andrea's eyes which suggests to him that she is holding something back from him. They join the rest of the family who are heading to Neil's parents house to have a small celebration of the wonderful news they have just had of Jake, but as they leave Neil cannot help but wonder what it is that Andrea is hiding from him, what is she trying to protect him from?


	18. Chapter 18

Jake is the centre of attention back at Neil's parent's house, everyone overjoyed at the news he is going to recover. Andrea smiles over at Jake who is being fussed over by his grandparents, though her joy is tinged with a sadness no one else knows. Jake grins back at her and she goes over to him to give him a hug.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm really proud of you. You have done so well to get so strong and you were so brave the whole time." There is a lump in Andrea's throat as she speaks to Jake who is elated at the news that he will be able to walk again.

"Now that I'm getting better maybe the doctors will make you better too Andrea and then everybody can be really happy." He looks fondly at Andrea his eyes wide and innocent and full of hope. Andrea simply forces a smile though her heart is breaking. Seeing how the happiness of Jake's recovery has brought everyone together like this and made them so happy makes the thought of ruining it with her news unbearable. Andrea doesn't know how she will tell everyone the truth of what happened today, she just knows she won't do it today.

Neil watches the interaction between Andrea and Jake with deep affection. But as he observes the scene playing out between the woman he loves and his young son, he cannot ignore the niggling doubts he has about what Andrea told him about her test results. There was something in her eyes which suggested to Neil that she wasn't being honest and he knows her well enough to know that she is trying to protect him from something.

After a while, Andrea leaves Jake to be entertained by his grandparents who are lavishing attention on their only grandson, and she slips outside to the peace and quiet of the garden. She rests her body weight against the wall as she sips her drink and is completely lost in thought, oblivious to the rest of the world.

"Oh, you made me jump!" She exclaims as Neil walks out to join her touching her shoulder gently to get her attention.

"How are you really?" Neil looks Andrea straight in the eye as he asks and she can't help feeling a little guilty about her lie even if there were good intentions behind it. After all when they committed themselves to a life together they promised to have no more secrets and no more lies between them. Still, she is not about to tell Neil the awful truth now, not today at least.

"I told you Neil everything is fine, the results were very positive sweetheart."

"Andrea," Neil sighs sadly, "I know you better than anyone else does, I know you inside out and I can tell when something is not right. What are you trying to protect me from my love? Tell me." Despite his own anxiety Neil's tone is gentle, soft and reassuring.

"Its not good news Neil," Andrea admits reluctantly tears springing to her eyes, her voice shaking with emotion as she braces herself to tell Neil what the doctor really said.

"The treatment isn't working any more Neil, I'm not responding and there is nothing more they can do for me. I … I'm going to die Neil." As she speaks the reality of her prognosis really begins to sink in, but Andrea does not break down. Instead she watches Neil, the man she loves, trying to gauge his reaction. She studies every aspect of his face but focuses most of her attention on his wonderful soft hazel eyes. Andrea loves those eyes, the way they smile at her when he does and the way they gaze at her with utter adoration. Now they just look lost, bewildered and tear filled. Now Neil's eyes are full of pain.

"No," he whispers softly, "no this can't happen I can't be losing you Andrea, I won't."

"Oh Neil," she places a palm gently on his cheek, "I don't want this to happen either but there is nothing any of us can do. I'm not going to get better." Her words are full of sadness and pain

"Why didn't you tell me this at the hospital Andrea? Why did you think you had to protect me?" Neil isn't angry and there is no judgement in his tone.

"I didn't tell you because I saw you all with Jake and I realized you'd had good news. Neil you have been through so much lately you've been to hell and back with Jake's accident and my cancer, I just wanted you to have one perfect, happy golden day when you had hope that everything would be ok. I didn't want to spoil this for you and I just wanted you to have one day of complete happiness, you deserve far more."

Neil takes Andrea straight into his arms and they weep together silently. "I love you so much Andrea," he whispers softly, "why are you being taken away from me?"


	19. Chapter 19

Telling their parents the tragic news had been extremely tough for Neil and Andrea so they could only imagine what it would be like trying to explain to little Jake that Andrea was not going to get better. This time there was no gentle or simplistic way to break the news to Jake, whichever way they told him it would still have the same devastating effect. The one thing they did know was that they needed to tell him soon, Jake had already picked up on the fact that something was not right and Neil and Andrea needed to be honest with him about what that was.

As Jake sits on the sofa watching a favourite children's programme Neil walks over and sits beside him, wrapping an arm round him as if to shield him from the blow about to be dealt to him.

"Hey mate, can me and Andrea talk to you for a minute?" Neil is careful to keep his tone as gentle and reassuring as possible, still attempting to protect him though his efforts are futile. Neil knows there is no way to protect Jake from the pain that the news of Andrea's deterioration will cause him. Jake looks up at him wide eyed, attempting to decipher his father's expression and determine whether this is going to be about something good or bad. He just nods in agreement to Neil's request as Neil presses the stand by button on the television remote in order to remove any potential distractions. Andrea sits herself next to Jake on the opposite side to Neil and smiles lovingly at the young boy who returns the display of affection. It is Neil who speaks first.

"We have to talk to you about something important sweetheart, something really sad about Andrea and we need you to be very brave Jake." As Neil speaks he gives Jake a strong squeeze to try and comfort him.

"Why?" Jake questions, concerned. He turns towards Andrea now gazing up at her, "what's wrong with you Andrea?"

"You know how I've been really sick lately Jake and the doctors have been giving me lots of special medicine to try to make me better?" Andrea's tone is soft and soothing as she speaks to Jake. He nods slightly confirming he understands this is a conversation about Andrea's illness and she continues.

"Well I had to go and see the doctor again a little while ago and he said that … he told me …" Andrea falters and eventually trails off unable to continue as Jake gazes at her with those huge, innocent eyes. Neil takes over where Andrea is forced to stop.

"The doctors told us that the medicine isn't working anymore and that Andrea is too sick to get better." Jake looks extremely confused by this and understandably so. In his short experience of life all Jake has ever known is that if you get sick you take medicine and it eventually makes you better. Even in the case of his own accident the doctors have been able to help him get better and soon he will have made an almost full recovery. It is beyond Jake's comprehension that nothing is working to make Andrea better. Jake sidles closer to Andrea knowing she is the person who can answer all the questions he has.

"Andrea if you can't get better does this mean that you are going to be sick forever and ever?" Andrea gazes at Jake through tear blurred vision, unsure of how to phrase the answer to that question.

"No sweetheart, it means that I'm not going to be able to live for very much longer because I'm too sick. So instead of me staying here and your daddy and my mum and dad looking after me I'm going to go up to Heaven soon and when I'm there I won't be sick any more."

"But who will take care of you in Heaven Andrea? You won't have daddy to take care of you any more," Jake says sadly.

"I know sweetheart and that makes me very sad but there are angels in Heaven who will take care of me." Andrea tries to be as positive as possible explaining this to Jake but there isn't any way to stop this frightening him or upsetting him.

"I don't want angels to take care of you Andrea I want you to stay here so me and daddy can take care of you," Jake whimpers as tears spill over his eyelids. The sadness has become unbearable for Andrea as well as she chokes her next sentences out through a series of agony filled sobs.

"Jake I don't want to have to go away either but I am very sick and in pain a lot of the time and when I go to Heaven I won't have to be sick any more. And you know I'll still be able to love you all when I'm in Heaven and I promise I will watch over you and your daddy and make sure you are both safe." At this Jake throws his arms around Andrea and begins to sob into her hair. It is heartbreaking as his cries are broken only by occasional whimpers of "please don't go away Andrea," and soon Neil has enveloped both Andrea and Jake in a warm, comforting embrace.

* * *

Later on that night Neil puts Jake to bed. As he goes to tuck his son in properly and read him a bedtime story Jake turns away claiming he doesn't want a story.

"Hey come on Jake mate, you love having a story before bed. We can do any of the stories you want even one of the really long ones," Neil says trying to lift Jake's spirits.

"I don't want a story daddy," Jake says beginning to cry again. Neil embraces his young son and tries to soothe his cries.

"Shhh, it's ok son, it's alright," Neil comforts on the verge of tears himself.

"But I want Andrea to stay here and get better daddy, I don't want her to go away to Heaven."

"I know Jake," Neil replies melancholically, "neither do I."


	20. Chapter 20

Getting bored of the golf tournament Neil is watching on television, Andrea leaves him on the sofa and goes to sort through some things in their bedroom. As she arranges items in her beside cabinet, she comes across the scrapbook she has made to document all the wedding details. As she starts to look through it Andrea realizes how much there is left to plan, all they have done so far is confirm a date and venue and applied for the marriage licence. Amongst the jumble of papers are Andrea's roughly sketched designs for her wedding dress, she hasn't even got around to finding a dressmaker yet let alone buying the materials and perfecting the design. There are so many other details to plan before the big day, details which have been forgotten due to the stress and pressure of recent events. As Andrea begins to panic about the amount they have left to organize she also experiences a feeling she never imagined she would feel when planning her wedding. She no longer anticipates the day, she now dreads it.

It isn't that Andrea doesn't love Neil, that she isn't blissfully happy with him, or that she doesn't want to be his wife. She does want to marry Neil but in another lifetime, in one where they have a long life stretching ahead of them and a future to look forward to. Now that she knows she is going to die Andrea can barely face the thought of planning the wedding, a day that is supposed to be so full of celebration and happiness. A marriage is supposed to be a commitment you make to spend the rest of your life with the person you love and thinking of that just reminds Andrea that the rest of her life isn't very long. It makes the idea of putting so much into planning a wedding and vowing to stay together until death seem unbearably sad to Andrea and she would rather just spend the time she has left being with Neil, enjoying the few months they have together and treasuring every moment they spend in each others company.

This is not the only reason Andrea no longer looks forward to her wedding day. Since Neil had proposed to her Andrea had imagined walking down the aisle towards him, while the people who love them celebrate with them and are happy for them. She fears that now everyone knows she isn't going to survive they will only be able to feel sorry for her and Neil, turning her wedding day into something akin to a wake. It wouldn't be the wonderful memory that her wedding day was supposed to be and after she was gone Neil would only have the memory of incredibly special day being turned into something so sad. That just does not feel right to Andrea, and she knows that she just cannot face going through with it.

Andrea goes back towards the living area intent on explaining to Neil how she feels. She knows that it will hurt him, how can you tell your fiancé that you no longer want to marry them without it seeming like an outright rejection. But this isn't the same as breaking their relationship off altogether, it isn't the same as calling off an engagement because you do not love your partner. Neil knows how much she loves him, and Andrea is sure that he will understand her reasons for calling off the wedding.

"Can we talk Neil?" Andrea requests as she sits next to him on the sofa.

"Sure, is everything alright my love?" Neil replies as he puts the television on standby.

"Not really." Her eyes convey deep sadness which is reinforced by the tone of her voice. "I have to tell you something Neil and it isn't particularly easy for me." Andrea hesitates unsure of the best way to explain her feelings to Neil. The look of alarm on Neil's face makes it even more difficult for Andrea to speak again.

Neil is at a loss to understand what Andrea might be trying to tell him. Surely there could not be any worse news to impart than that which they have already received.

His heart almost stops as he watches Andrea slowly remove the platinum engagement ring from her finger and place it in the palm of one of his hands. Neil gazes open mouthed at her as tears well up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Neil I can't go through with this. I can't marry you."


	21. Chapter 21

Andrea tries to keep herself busy and distract herself from the earlier conversation with Neil. Though it hadn't descended into a full scale argument there had been an unbelievable amount of tension between them. What had hurt the most was how devastated Neil looked when Andrea said they should cancel the wedding. She had thought he would understand that it felt too sad to make a commitment to spend a lifetime with him when she hadn't got very much time left but he had just looked so hurt and had left the flat fighting back tears almost half an hour ago now. Andrea was beside herself, right now she needed Neil's support more than ever, and she didn't need to have him walk out on her when she needed him the most.

She tries to take her mind off things by doing the most boring and menial tasks, anything to escape from the nightmare of the disastrous conversation she has just had with Neil. Turning to the laundry basket Andrea decides to put on a load of washing. As she sorts through the pile of clothing she checks the pockets of every pair of trousers she puts into the machine, she is forever losing fivers because she never clears out her pockets before putting them in the wash. She picks up a pair of Neil's jeans from the pile of laundry and rifles through his pockets checking for anything which could get ruined in the wash. Laying her hands on a small square of folded paper she pulls it out to save it from certain ruination. After loading the machine she unfolds the paper checking to see if it is anything important or if she should just throw it away. What she finds surprises her. This simple piece of paper has Neil's wedding vows written on it. Andrea reads them slowly taking in every word, absorbing all the love and emotion he has invested in writing each sentence about loving her, protecting her and making her happy. The tears that have been threatening overflow now. Reading this she now understands why Neil had been so hurt by her request that they cancel their upcoming nuptials and why he had felt as if she was rejecting him. From the words of his vows Andrea can tell that to Neil making a commitment to her was about cherishing the time they had left together, about celebrating the love they had for one another and the happiness they gave each other with all the people that mattered to them. It didn't mean any less to him just because Andrea was going to die soon because he would always love her and wanted to publicly commit to her. Realizing this changes everything Andrea has been feeling about the wedding since she found out she was no longer responding to treatment. Cherishing the time they have left is important to Andrea too and she does want to make this commitment to Neil despite the fact that their time together will be short.

She didn't have to go too far to find Neil. He had only made it as far as the park across the road from their building having needed some time to get his head around what Andrea had said. Andrea approaches him where he is sitting on the park bench and stops behind him placing a hand on his shoulder. He turns to face her and it is evident he has been crying. The site makes Andrea want to break down again as well.

"Hey you," she whispers stroking his cheek, "you ok?"

"Not really. I never should have stormed out the way I did it was really immature. I just want you to be my wife more than anything it doesn't matter to me that we don't have long together, I just want to be married to you it means so much to me." Neil is extremely emotional as he pours his heart out. Andrea walks round from her position behind the bench and sits next to Neil, taking his hand and squeezing it.

"I know that, and I'm sorry Neil. I was completely thoughtless with what I said earlier and I was only thinking about what I want and need. I didn't say it because I don't want to be married to you, its just that I always thought of our wedding as being this perfect day when we could be completely happy and celebrate what we have together and the fact that we will have that forever. It just seems far too sad in some ways to make those promises to spend the rest of our lives together. Usually you only do that when you have a future and we both know that I don't Neil, we barely even have enough time left to plan the wedding."

"I know," Neil replies as tears begin to well up in his eyes again and his voice wobbles with emotion. "But I will treasure whatever time I have left with you Andrea and knowing that we don't have very long left together doesn't make the commitment any less serious, it still means as much to me as it would if we had 50 years left together."

"I realized that when I read this," Andrea says presenting him with the page on which his vows are written. "I wasn't snooping honestly, I was putting a load of washing on and these were in the pocket of your jeans. They're beautiful vows, I love them."

"Really? I mean every word you know," Neil states genuinely

"I know sweetheart and I know you're right. This commitment will mean just as much to both of us as it would if we had an eternity together and I want to do it, I want to marry you."

"Hey, Andrea I don't want you doing this just because I walked out in a huff earlier, I understand why you said you didn't want to go ahead with the wedding and its ok." Andrea knows that isn't entirely true but she appreciates the fact that he is trying to understand why she said what she did earlier on.

"No, Neil I mean it sweetheart. After reading these vows I realized that it really doesn't matter how long we have I want to celebrate the fact that we are in love and I want to be your wife. It means everything to me." Andrea's words come straight from the heart and it is evident to Neil that she means what she says.

"So you will marry me then?" Neil begins to smile at her as he says the words.

"On one condition," Andrea replies returning the smile

"Name it."

"It has to be a happy day, I don't want everyone thinking about how sad it is that I'm going to die and feeling sorry for us. So we stick to writing our own vows ok? No trace of 'til death us do part' anywhere in there, I want them to be full of hope and happiness."

"It's a deal, I wouldn't have it any other way Andrea and I promise you our wedding day will be the happiest most amazing day of our lives I will do whatever it takes to make sure of that."

They leave the park walking slowly, hand in hand, and head back to the flat to begin planning their wedding.


	22. Chapter 22

She glides gracefully across the lawn on her father's arm feeling as if she is walking on air. As Andrea approaches the white silk marquee where she and Neil are about to be married, she can't keep the smile off her face and her father can't help but beam with pride. Today she is blissfully happy and she feels special nothing is going to ruin today for her, absolutely nothing. Andrea feels more beautiful than she ever has in her whole life wearing the elegant wedding gown she has designed herself. She opted for a simple style, a strapless ivory silk dress which compliments her figure and contrasts perfectly with the bronze tone of her skin. The right side of the dress from the top right down to the waistline, is adorned with orchids fashioned from lilac satin each one exquisitely embellished with tiny white beads and purple rhinestones. The skirt flows right down to the floor and has only a very short train. Andrea's raven black hair cascades down her shoulders the only ornamentation in it is a single purple orchid, her favourite flower. She carries a bouquet of the same with her. She hadn't wanted anything over the top, understated sophistication was the look she wanted to carry off. Behind her Cindy and Kerry are equally elegant in their lilac satin v-neck gowns, the design being a collaborative effort of both. They carry small bouquets of white orchids.

As Andrea enters the marquee she is overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. It is just a simple white silk marquee decorated with white roses and purple orchids, a dark purple carpet on the floor and a small, ornate archway carved from pine at the front of the marquee taking the position that the altar would have in a church. Neil is standing there with Phil at his side as best man and an extremely excited Jake taking his page boy duties very seriously. Neil is grinning from ear to ear and gazing at Andrea with immense fondness. Right now the rest of the world fades into oblivion for both of them and nothing else exists beyond each other. As Andrea walks towards him Neil is overwhelmed by a surge of emotions. There is the immense love and affection he feels for her, the happiness she has given him which goes beyond any happiness he has ever experienced in his life and a wonderful sense of pride that Andrea is about to become his wife. She looks divine he thinks, he is completely bewitched by her beauty and he still can't believe how lucky he is to have her.

Her father kisses her cheek gently as he lets go of her arm and she turns to hand her bouquet to Cindy. As Andrea does this her father shakes Neil's hand and smiles fondly at his soon to be son-in-law whilst quietly saying to him, "make sure you take care of my little girl."

"Of course I will," Neil replies smiling back before turning to gaze at Andrea and taking her hands in his as the registrar begins the ceremony.

When it comes to making their vows, Neil and Andrea have decided to write their own. The thought of having to say the words "till death us do part," whilst knowing that time would come all too soon had been too sad for them. Neil begins, but Andrea already knows every word of what he is going to say having read them that day when she found them in the pocket of his jeans. These are the words which had persuaded her to go ahead with the wedding despite the fact that she had been worried it would feel too sad now they knew she was not going to survive.

"Andrea, you mean the world to me and you have given me more happiness than I could ever have hoped for. Every day I think that it is impossible for me to love you any more than I already do and yet every day I fall more and more in love with you. You are so special, so precious and I am so incredibly proud and honoured to be loved by you. I promise you that every day for as long as we are together I will love you as much as you deserve, I will protect you from any type of harm and I will make you so happy, as happy as you make me. I love you Andrea and as long as I live I will never stop."

Both Neil and Andrea are extremely emotional, their joy tinged with sadness as they know their time together will be cut short. Andrea fears she will not be able to get through her vows without breaking down and the fact that over half of their guest have also been brought to tears by Neil's heartfelt words in his vows only makes her feel more emotional. She also feels a great sense of pride that Neil, who is naturally quite shy and only ever reveals his true feelings and vulnerabilities to her, has declared his feelings for her so publicly in front of everyone using his own words and not a standard set of vows that wouldn't even scratch the surface of what he feels. Now it is her turn to pledge her undying love to Neil, a love that she knows will survive long after she does.

"In the last few years we have spent together you have shown me more love and happiness than I have ever known in my entire life Neil. I couldn't have asked for a better partner to share my life with, to become my husband. You bring out the best in me and you still love me when you see the worst in me. I cherish absolutely every moment I spend with you and I promise to cherish every second we have left together. I want to give you as much happiness as you have given me and I will always love you, forever, I will never stop. I promise to give you my unconditional love, support and loyalty for the rest of the time we are together and I promise I will always be here for you no matter what happens."

There are tears in the eyes of both but they still smile at each other. Nothing is going to spoil the immense joy they feel today. After making their vows they exchange rings. They have chosen a set of platinum wedding bands, each with a tiny diamond set in the middle. Inside they have the date of the wedding engraved into the bands as a way of making them unique. It isn't long before the registrar has pronounced them to be husband and wife and they kiss tenderly, utterly lost in love. After signing the register and having their professional photographs taken, they proceed to the main function room of the hotel for their reception. The meal is exquisite and everyone seems to be having the time of their lives, not least Jake who has never experienced the occasion and excitement of a wedding before. Neil delivers a speech as emotive as his wedding vows were and Andrea's father speaks very movingly about his love for his only daughter and his pride at seeing her so happily married to a man who worships and respects her the way she deserves to be. Even Phil's speech as best man is quite sentimental at times as, in between the jokes and anecdotes he pays tribute his two friends who love each other so much and have been through so much together. As Neil and Andrea take to the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple their favourite love song, "Songbird" by Eva Cassidy begins to play. They hold each other close, noses pressed together and gaze lovingly into each others eyes as they dance. They remain for a number of songs before Andrea's father cuts in asking for a dance with his daughter.

Later that night Andrea and Neil make a quiet exit and slink off to the honeymoon suite at the hotel. Once inside they begin to kiss each other slowly and tenderly at first, gradually becoming more passionate and intense. After a few minutes Neil breaks away slowly, gently caressing Andrea's cheek.

"Hey," she protests laughing a little, "I was enjoying that. You do know this is what the wedding night is for," she teases affectionately.

"Yeah and we are going to get to that as soon as possible, but first I have something for you."

"Oh Neil, we said we weren't getting each other wedding presents," she replies surprised though she isn't annoyed with him.

"It's just a small gift and I know you're going to love it," Neil says smiling and looking quite pleased with himself as he presents her with a relatively large box containing the surprise he has prepared for her. Andrea opens it carefully and is overwhelmed with emotion when she realizes it contains a book she recognizes. It is the photograph album she had been compiling all those months ago before the traumas and sadness of Jake's accident and her cancer. It is now complete, every page filled with images of their happiness and pictures which convey the love they have for each other. It documents many precious memories of their relationship and the life they have built together.

"I can't believe you've finished this. I've been so preoccupied lately I thought I'd never get round to it but you've finished it for me and it's perfect. Thank you Neil, thank you for doing this for me." Tears are welling up in her eyes as she is deeply moved by Neil's thoughtfulness. Even after over three years together Neil never ceases to amaze her. He has always made every effort to show Andrea how much he loves and cherishes her he has never taken her for granted and it is through simple gestures like this that he shows his appreciation for her the best.

"I know how much it means to you to have this finished, and it means as much to me. I didn't want it to be left undone. I wanted you to see it finished and I was worried that you wouldn't get the chance." He finishes his words, his voice full of melancholy. Andrea simply walks towards him again after placing the album safely back in its box, and wraps her arms around Neil in a tender embrace. They hold each other for what seems like an eternity before recovering from their sadness and allowing things to become more heated again.

"I love you Andrea Manson," Neil whispers to her between kisses.

Andrea smiles as he addresses her by her new title before replying, "I love you too Neil Manson."

Neil slowly unhooks the clasps at the back of her dress as the intensity of their kisses increases. They take their time removing each others clothes, intimately exploring and caressing each others bodies before making love for the first time as a married couple.


	23. Chapter 23

After a wonderful and extremely satisfying night of passion, Neil and Andrea begin to pack their things up and get ready to leave for their honeymoon. All dreams of escaping to an exotic destination had come to an end a while ago. They both know Andrea is too ill to travel far so they have opted to spend a few weeks in a luxury lakeside house a few miles outside Glasgow. It is another of the properties Andrea's father has invested in and he makes a tidy profit from renting it out to holiday makers. Of course he refuses to take money from Neil and Andrea for their stay. The fact that they are not traveling to foreign shores for their honeymoon does not disappoint either, both know that it will be as romantic as they can make it and that enjoying their time away together is more to do with being together. It is having so much time just for each other which will make their honeymoon special it has nothing to do with location.

They leave the hotel straight after breakfast to begin the long drive to Glasgow. Its seven hours in total but the have decided to break the journey over two days, not wanting to wear themselves out traveling. Due to their early departure they manage to avoid most of the London traffic and make good time on their journey. In the early evening they decide to stop in a small village and book into a bed and breakfast there for the night, having completed a major part of their journey. They enjoy a short stroll around the picturesque village before having dinner in a small pub and having an early night. They are thoroughly enjoying the intimacy afforded to them by all the time they have alone away from work and family commitments.

They opt for an early departure the next morning as well, aiming to arrive at the lakeside house in the late afternoon. After making a few short stops along the way, Neil and Andrea finally reach their destination as the sun begins to set. The house is nothing short of palatial, the polished oak furniture in impeccable condition and the wooden floors and neutral décor are immaculate. There is even a huge open fireplace in the lounge area with arm chairs and a sofa grouped around it creating a warm, romantic setting. Despite the obvious extravagance, the decoration and design of the house is not over the top but is enough to establish the perfect atmosphere for their honeymoon and the lakeside location only serves to enhance the enchanting ambience.

"Wow," Neil gasps as he surveys his surroundings in utter astonishment.

"I know," Andrea says, the hint of a smug smile briefly flitting across her face "told you it was special didn't I?"

Neil's only reply is a small laugh and a shake of his head, as he continues to marvel at the majestic furnishings and illustrious décor of this house.

"Your dad must make a tidy profit renting this place out, it's virtually a mansion," Neil states his tone one of bewildered awe.

"He does alright, charges more than you earn in a month for people to rent this place for a week. He made back the money he invested in this place in less than a year despite the fact that everyone told him it would be impossible." Andrea's pride at her father's entrepreneurial success is unmistakable.

"Impressive," Neil says mulling over this information as they continue to explore the house.

"Getting ideas are we?" Andrea teases. "That would involve a massive career jump you know, going from detective inspector to property developer," Andrea smiles cheekily, raising her eyebrows at him.

"That doesn't mean it couldn't be done, you're always telling me how anything is achievable so there is no reason why I couldn't do something like this," Neil teases back.

"All that power and control you'd be able to wield over tenants, that's what really interests you isn't it? All that unrestrained power turns you on."

Neil laughs at her flirtatious teasing grabbing her round the waist and pulling her into his arms. As he does so she squeals with laughter.

"Right you, that's enough," Neil states trying to make his tone sound authoritative and firm though this is difficult to achieve due to the fact he and Andrea are in hysterics. He now lifts her right into his arms as she continues to giggle. "In case you've forgotten I am your husband now and what I say goes so you are going to come upstairs to bed with me right now."

Both continue to giggle as Neil carries Andrea up the stairs to the master bedroom.

During the course of the next week they take every chance to experience all Glasgow has to offer. They divide their time between action packed days taking in the sights of the city and more relaxed, leisurely days where they just spent time doing simple things together. They enjoy peaceful walks together along the shore of the lake and sharing intimate dinners that they have prepared together; they even feel close to each other doing the simplest most mundane tasks. Their honeymoon is as romantic and happy a time as they could ever have hoped for and it has been the perfect way to celebrate their marriage.


	24. Chapter 24

Despite the fact it is the middle of March, the sky is clear and the night air is warm. Tonight Neil and Andrea decide to capitalize on the romantic setting and make their evening meal a picnic to have outside on the shore of the lake underneath the stars. After finishing their food, Neil and Andrea relax in each other's arms on the rug they had laid out. Andrea snuggles close to him, resting her head on his shoulder as he wraps his arms around her. They stay like this for a wonderful eternity just gazing at the stars, before Andrea turns her attention to Neil. His eyes are like a window into his soul, and gazing into them Andrea can see that he is thinking about the time when she will lose her fight with cancer and he will have to let her go.

"I'll never really be gone you know," she whispers softly. "I'll always be looking down on you, watching over you Neil and a part of me will always be with you in here." As Andrea says this, she places her hand on Neil's heart and he covers that hand with one of his own. Her voice is full of emotion when she speaks, conveying the depth of the pain she feels at the thought of dying and being forced to leave Neil behind.

Tears spring to Neil's eyes as he considers Andrea's words, but it isn't long before he replies.

"I know that Andrea, but I want all of you forever and I know that is selfish because you've fought this cancer so hard and suffered so much and you deserve to have peace. But it doesn't stop it hurting that you are going to die and I'm going to lose my soul mate."

His words are honest and full of raw emotion.

"Its not selfish Neil, if the roles were reversed and you were ill and dying and I was the one being left behind I'd be wishing I could keep you here forever. I don't want to leave you, I don't want to die but I want you to know I'll never be completely gone."

"You never could be anyway Andrea because I will think about you every single day for the rest of my life. You are the only person apart from Jake, that I have ever truly loved and you're such a part of my life that you are always going to be a part of me even when you've died. But I'd give anything or do anything to keep all of you with me for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'm going to do without you and I don't want to face life without you. I'm scared and I don't want you to die." Neil trails off sadly.

"Oh Neil sweetheart, I know that but you can face life without me. Hard as it is going to be you have to go on, for Jake's sake if nothing else. I want you to be happy Neil hard as it is to think of the man I love moving on after I die, I love you enough to want you to find happiness again. I know that after I'm gone it will be difficult but you will be happy again one day and when I'm watching over you I'll make you smile again." Now both have tears in their eyes and on the last few words Andrea's voice was quite unsteady. After a few moments of silence Andrea speaks again.

"Can I just ask you one favour Neil?" He looks surprised but encourages her to continue. "I know towards the end, when I'm really ill it will be hard to look after me, but I don't want to have to spend my last days in hospital. I want to be at our home with you, with everything that is familiar. Will you be able to look after me?"

"Andrea there isn't even any question about that, I want you at home with me too. I love you so much Andrea, I can't bear to lose you and I know I have to go on after you die I just don't know how I'm going to do it without you."

At this they embrace each other once again. Neil holds Andrea tighter than ever before as if afraid she might slip away that night. Andrea holds him back equally as tightly reminding Neil exactly how precious he is to her and they let silence descend over them once again.


	25. Chapter 25

The late evening sun streams through their bedroom window as a peaceful calm descends on all. They know they have little time left together now and what they have is precious. Neil and Andrea have spent three perfect months together since their wedding in March and it is only in the last few weeks that Andrea's condition has begun to deteriorate. In the last few days she has been confined to their bed, only strong enough to leave it when she needs to take a shower or use the bathroom. Neil rarely leaves her side, watching her sleep in his arms and caring for her when she is too weak to do anything for herself. Her parents are now constantly at Neil and Andrea's flat trying to take care of their son-in-law, trying to find the strength to say goodbye to their dying daughter at the same time. In the last few weeks Jake's visits to see his dad and Andrea have become less frequent because they didn't want him to have to watch Andrea suffering. It was hard enough for all the adults in Andrea's life to have to cope with that, never mind how a young boy like Jake would cope.

Neil enters their bedroom quietly trying not to disturb her tranquility. He carries a small tray with a bowl of steaming hot vegetable broth and a glass of water, knowing she probably won't be able to manage even this small amount of food. Placing the tray carefully on her bedside table, Neil then sits on the bed beside Andrea taking her hand in his. Andrea attempts to sit up with much difficulty, and Neil immediately helps her to move until she is sitting up, arranging her pillows behind her back to make her more comfortable. Despite her lack of physical strength, Andrea's warm smile is not weak. Her eyes shine as she looks lovingly at him and raises her free hand slowly to caress Neil's cheek.

"How are you feeling?" Neil asks softly returning her smile.

"I'm ok, just tired. Are you ok? You've been running around taking care of me so much lately you have hardly had any time for yourself."

"Hey, don't you worry about me, I'm fine and I want to be taking care of you, I don't want time for myself," Neil tells her gently.

"Come here and hold me please," Andrea requests smiling brightly. Neil doesn't need to be asked twice moving closer to her and embracing her tenderly.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Andrea asks him, a small laugh escaping as she says the words.

"How could I forget? Meeting you changed my life in the most amazing way; I'll never forget it not ever." As he speaks he pulls her closer to him and strokes her hair gently.

Andrea looks up into Neil's eyes now, her smile isn't as bright as it was initially, and her breathing is becoming laboured. As she speaks again it is almost a struggle for her to get all the words out.

"I have absolutely no regrets Neil, no regrets about us and if I could have my time again there isn't anything I would change about our relationship or the time we've spent together. Well, if I had the choice you know I would make it longer but apart from that what we have together, it's everything I have ever wanted Neil."

Neil can feel the lump in his throat and is aware of the prickling of tears in his eyes, but he fights them back determined not to fall apart in front of Andrea.

"I don't regret a thing either no matter how difficult things were at the start. Not once have I ever looked back or doubted the choices I made. I belong with you Andrea, I always have and even when you're gone I still will belong with you. I saw my whole future with you and I can't believe that is being snatched away from us."

It takes all the strength Andrea can muster to give Neil's hand a supportive squeeze. Right now she would give anything for just one more day with him, one more perfect day where none of this pain and sadness existed. But she knows this is her time to go, she has been able to feel the strength slipping out of her for the last few weeks and now she barely has any left. Andrea can feel herself slipping away as Neil holds her. She's thought of this moment a lot since the day the doctor said there was nothing more to be done for her, and she has always known that when the time came she would slip away peacefully in Neil's arms. It had never occurred to Andrea that she would feel so much serenity in her dying moments; she thought she would experience fear, confusion and terrible pain but she feels safe and loved in Neil's arms and despite her physical weakness she feels stronger than she ever has before. Andrea knows that as heartbreaking as it is to leave Neil behind, her time here is up and she has to let go. With her last ounce of strength and her final breathes Andrea smiles at Neil once again and whispers softly, "I love you Neil." She watches him gaze back at her with pure adoration before hearing him reply equally softly, "I love you too Andrea, so much." With these words she rests her head against his chest and closes her eyes. They never open again. She is gone.

Neil could almost feel the life leaving Andrea, he felt her take her last breath. For a few moments he feels numb with shock. Neil might have known for a while that this day was coming but that doesn't mean it isn't a shock now that it has finally happened. He can't completely take in the fact that Andrea is no longer here. Neil doesn't want to believe that she is really gone. After a few moments he pulls Andrea's lifeless body even closer to him, buries his face in her hair and breaks down. His tears are silent to begin with but after a few minutes his anguish filled sobs become louder. Nothing has ever hurt this much; in all his life Neil has never known so much pain. The grief he is feeling is absolutely indescribable.

Having heard Neil's cries, Andrea's parents enter the room. They knew this would happen, that they would outlive their only daughter and have to face losing their child. None of that had prepared them for the terrible grief they feel now that Andrea is gone. They hold each other as they stand in the doorway watching Neil cradle Andrea's body in his arms. She looks so peaceful and they are grateful for that. Eventually Andrea's father approaches the bed where Neil lies holding Andrea and pulls his devastated son-in-law into a comforting embrace. Andrea's mother simply goes straight to her daughter and kisses her goodbye before quietly whispering "goodbye sweetheart, sleep peacefully."


	26. Epilogue

Author's notes: So this is the first story finished, quite a sad one! I have a few more planned but they are all quite sad (I do tragedy better than comedy!) so if you would rather I tried a different angle just let me know and I'll try to write something other than tragedy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this one, thanks for the reviews xxx.

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Today would have been such a special day, a day of happiness and celebration, a day for them to remember the past, cherish the present and anticipate the future. Today would have been Neil and Andrea's first wedding anniversary. Not wanting to face carrying on as normal on this particular day Neil had opted to escape to the house outside Glasgow where he and Andrea had spent such a magical honeymoon only a year ago. It seems so unfair to Neil, he and Andrea should be embarking on their second honeymoon or planning an intimate celebration of the day, making plans for the future. He should not be alone today, reflecting on the past and consumed by grief for the loss of his beautiful soul mate who was taken from him far too soon.

Since her death in June Neil has been attempting to carry on but today was one day he just could not pretend to be normal. He still grieves for her every day and knows that he will every day for the rest of his life. It had taken Neil a long time to get around to putting the pieces of his life back together and it has been a very slow, difficult process. At times it still seems impossible. The most excruciating part had been sorting through Andrea's things and having to clear them out. It was only in the last few weeks that he had been able to bring himself to do that, he hadn't been able to face it before. Her parents kept some of her possessions and most of the rest went to charity shops. Neil himself had kept some of Andrea's most treasured items, the things he knew she would have held on to herself and the things which meant most to him. The silver chain with the heart shaped pendant that he gave her for their very first Christmas together remains with him now. It was the first piece of jewelry he ever gave her and held a lot of sentimental value for both of them; Andrea had always treasured it simply because Neil gave it to her. He'd also kept her favourite tattered pink t-shirt, the one she had practically lived in because it reminds him so much of her, its what she was wearing the first time he ever saw her and it makes him smile. Apart from that he has kept items of clothing Andrea wore on significant days like the dress she was wearing the night they got engaged and the gorgeous kimono she wore to the last Christmas party. One final item he kept was the baby blue v-neck knitted top she used to wear to work with her trouser suits. It still smells faintly of the perfume she used to wear, and Neil still holds it to his face some nights to soak up his tears as he sits on their bedroom floor sobbing his heart out.

One thing which had given him strength was the series of letters Andrea had left behind for him. There was one for every day that Andrea had predicted would be particularly tough, like the one she had written him for the first day he went back to work after the funeral, which was full of words of encouragement, hope and inspiration. There were also letters for the special days like the one he had read today, full of honest words about how much she loved and would miss him. He cherished each letter, savoured every word as if reading every one was like regaining a piece of his lost love. There were only a few more left to open. The last one was to be opened on the first anniversary of her death and Neil didn't even want to contemplate the sense of loss he would have when there were no more letters. He suspected it would feel a little bit like losing Andrea all over again.

Neil is drawn to the spot at the back of the house by the shore of the lake, the place he and Andrea sat under the stars and talked that night only a year ago, about her death. Neil remembers every single word of what Andrea said to him that night about how he would cope with her passing and how she would never truly be gone. Andrea was right in some respects, he has survived her death. But he no longer feels complete now that she is gone. He hurts so much after losing Andrea and he would give anything to have her back even if he could only have one more day with her, or just hold her one last time. He misses her immensely, more than he could ever describe and he knows that he will never ever feel whole again.

As he stands looking out over the shimmering lake in the peaceful calm of the afternoon, Neil thinks of Andrea's last few words to him before she slipped away in his arms. She told him that when it came to them, she had no regrets and their years together had been the happiest in her entire life. Neil feels exactly the same. If he could go back to the start now and someone could tell him that he'd fall in love with Andrea and want to spend the rest of his life with her, but they would only get a short time together and it would hurt like hell when he lost her, he would still pursue a life with her. He wouldn't change a thing. Even knowing how devastated he is know, how he now knows what true heart break is he knows he would go through all the pain again just to have the three and a half beautiful years he had with Andrea, because for all the sorrow and anguish of watching her suffer and die with cancer, in their time together Andrea had shown Neil more happiness than he had ever experienced in his whole life and he had loved her more than he had ever imagined it was possible to love another person. She had made him happier than he ever thought he could be.

Two halves of one whole is one of the ways Neil thinks of himself and Andrea, and during their time together though it was short, Neil had got to have something that most people spend their whole lives searching and hoping for. For that time Neil's life had been complete, he had been complete and his heart had been whole. No matter how much he is hurting now, no matter about the fact that his Andrea, his beautiful, wonderful Andrea had died, nothing and no one could ever take away the time he had with her, the memories he now cherishes and the happiness he had shared with Andrea – his soul mate.


End file.
